Things That Are Neat: Hummingbirds!
A hummingbird at Crocosmia. The image was take...

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Birds of all sorts are really neat — a lot of ‘em are super smart, and besides, they can totally fly, or at least a lot of ‘em can.  More than people.  But one of the varieties of birds — man, not even my FAVORITE type of bird, that’s how cool birds are — is one I find super neat.   Hummingbirds.  Their wings flap so fast they’re like blurs, and they’re really tiny.

I mean, jeez, it’s kinda amazing how an animal can be so small and fly around and not be an insect.  Honestly, it’s hard to imagine a bird that small — it’s almost like they should be butterflies or something.  And I suppose they’re delicate, since birds are a little delicate, but they’re not delicate in the way a butterfly is.  You touch a butterfly’s wings, it can’t fly anymore (don’t do that, man, don’t be a jerk).  You touch a hummingbird’s wings, hummingbird kicks your ass.

For reals, too.  That’s the real weird and kinda awesome thing with hummingbirds.  They’re TOUGH.  They don’t seem to realize they’re these little tiny guys that are kinda adorable.  They’ fight each other all the time.  Then when they’re done with that, they’ll scare off cats and other animals that are bigger.  And sometimes they’ll pick fights with people.  They shouldn’t do that, or you wouldn’t think they would since they’re tiny!  But they don’t care! They’re CRAZY.  And they usually win because you got this fast-flyin’ little thing with a huge hurkin’ pointy beak comin’ at your face and goin’ “Hey, hey, you wanna make somethin’ of it?  Huh, you wanna step outside?  Oh, what, we ARE outside?  How fucking convienient then huh.”  So, yeah — if you value your life you get the hell out of that bird’s way.

Feeding hummingbirds is fun, because you can get to watch ‘em.  And try not to get attacked by ‘em.  Because sometimes even when you’re tipping the feeder to get rid of air-bubbles in the sugar-water-goo they drink, they’re in a HURRY, and so you better get in and get out or they’re gonna have something to say about it.  They might just withhold your tip — and your tip is NOT getting your face pecked.

They also eat a whole lot — I remember reading that they like eat three times their weight or something a day.  I don’t even know, and I’m not lookin’ that up.  It’s a crazy amount though, and that’s because their wings are goin’ so fast.  So I guess they got a reason to be all “HURRY UP AND GET THE FOOD GOING” but still.

They’re real pretty too, and I think that’s one of the reasons folks put up with their attitude and think they’re fun.  I mean, really, they got the iridescent feathers and everything and cool colors and just generally look neat.  They’d look neat huge, too, even.  Like, a hummingbird the size of a pigeon would still be a beautiful bird.  Probably also scary, since he could do some real damage that big, but still.

So yeah — I dig hummingbirds, even though I only look at ‘em through the window.  I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna get so many tiny peck-marks I look like a dude profiled in the Wall Street Journal.

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