Corpophilia: Camping
1999-2000 Ford Windstar photographed in Colleg...

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“Hey, kids, we’re here!”

The Ford Windstar® rolled into the parking lot of the Motorola® National Park. The nameless family piled out of the car and gathered their Coleman® camping gear, and waited while the patriarch paid the admissions fee.


“It sure was nice of the fine people at Motorola, Incorporated to buy this forest so that we could camp here!”

“Jim, maybe you should see about getting a job there! I’d be proud to be a part of the Motorola® family!”

“Yeah, dad! That’d be cool! So much better than the NEC® family. It’s got a much nicer ring to it… I’d love to be Billy Motorola®.”

“Well, Billy, I’ve submitted my application around, hopefully we’ll get a name again soon. But hopefully, this nice vacation will help us get our minds off our troubles. The admissions fee for all of us was rather expensive, but I can’t blame them. After all, Motorola® has to make a profit, too! Now, how about we go and gather some wood for the fire!”

“Wow, you don’t want us to use the Duraflame® logs this time?”

“Nope, this time, we’re Getting Back to Nature™.”

The unnamed family split off. Jim found a campsite, while his children and wife started looking for wood. Once he’d found a suitable site and set up, he unfolded his Sport-A-Seat® and placed it on the bench and put his feet up on the “Speedy Alka-Seltzer™ says: Give a Hoot, Don’t Pollute!” sign and pulled a rich Marlboro® cigarette from the familiar red and white pack. After putting it in his mouth and lighting it with his trusty Zippo®, he sat back and waited for his family to come back.

“Wow, this is the greatest campsite ever, Dad!” Billy’s voice startled Jim and he almost fell out of his Sport-A-Seat®.

“Why, hello there! Y’all are back so soon?” Jim started to go over the kindling his loving family brought back. “This is good wood. This will burn very well.” He looked up at his wife. “Well, Susan, it’s going to get dark pretty soon, so we’d better start to cook! Frank, you want to get the fire going while your mother and I get the food going?”

Billy’s older brother went to work on starting the campfire, while Jim and Susan went into the Eureka® tent and brought out some cans of Campbell’s® soup, some nice Swanson’s® steaks and some Libby’s® tomatoes. Not long after, the fire was started and the food cooked.

The family thoroughly enjoyed their meal, and threw their Chinet® paper plates into the Rubbermaid® trash bin thoughtfully placed out among the forest to collect refuse. By this time, it was dark out.

“Hey, kids, how about a good old-fashioned campfire sing-a-long?” Jim asked, as he reached for his Gibson Epiphone® acoustic guitar.

“Yay! I love these sing-a-longs!”

“All right, how about this one? ‘I’m a pepper, you’re a pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too?’” Jim sang.

“Oh, I don’t like that one. It’s much too short.”

“All right, how about ‘Double your pleasure, double your fun’? That one is longer.”

“It’s still too short!”

“Oh, I know what song you want to hear! ‘I’d like to teach the world to sing/In perfect harmony…’” Jim sang and his family all joined in.


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