Ambien Review #7: Lost Season 1

June 3
Lost Season 1 – Roku
Jeffrey Lieber, Damon Lindelof, J.J. Abrams

The Lost Finale has breathed its last finaleious breath, and so I thought this time was right to get abreast with the world aand start watching, with Season 1. It’s like a flashback. You’re living your life nowwhere all things ave been explained and examined, and partway thougth, they’re gonna cut away from your life, and show my life instead way behind on the schedule, all the way back at season fucking one. This. This is how the show is when you watch it, Jack is the doctor, he cantake control when he’s able, but Locke has his own agenda trying to cover up his big secret that he is also Creed Bratton on the Office, And Kate looks pretty , I din’t think so at first but then I got a load of her rabbit teeth and I love it now. Some other characters too, getting their shit in line.

Let me put it all on the line here. I hope I don’t offend anyone by saying this, but Lost is a good show that is worth liking. I’ve been watching stand-up all day, and now I’m smashing your brain sacs into curdled cheese sacs with all this major edginess. Who’s communicaring with me? I don’t know where my altered-ness comes and goes. But I solemnly swear in this here Lost reivew, that I wil never take Ambien and drive. Apparently, that’s a side effect. Being on Ambien and dying to drive. That sounds like a horrible idea, I can barely type out words. The other side effect thet warn you about is “sleep-fucking”. [Here I had to cut out some personal information about my sex life with my girlfriend that no one should read. You probably shouldn’t read the next couple sentences either.] It’s like if I took care of myself right here, right in the middle of this review, and I took the care to cum into something other than the keyboard or the mouse or the face of the paparweight skunk that looks like Hitler. I felt so safe and pure floating in a viscous Ambiel jelly, and then these hands come in and next thing I know I’m looking down and reading these very words on the top of my dick as I flash back to hazy memory of fucking my printer, and my mind is blown by how meta it shit fucking is.

These reviews are getting harder, I feel overly aware of them. But I cant tell if I read it back now and it makes sense, does that mean it will make sense later, or does that mean it will not make any sense later. I feel like this a review I would shit out under ordinary circumstances, and then delete and re-write but now I can make t funny if I separate myself from it too mcuh.

I’m gonna write something coherent about Lost. The first couple episodes, dealing with crashes and such, were very exciting and well-done. But after that, especially with a ll the hype, I wanted non-stop crazyiness. And though I always see the necessity of the flashbacks, I feel like they also hold the show back in some way, and Im more interested in current goings-on. Fuck, I got these fucked up hiccups back, they’re seriously ridicktits. I think that coveres what I want to reveal about what’s happening on Lost Season 1. So far, Season 2 has been beeter. Oh, but the Season 1 Finale was fucking amazing.

To read more of Austin’s writings, almost always about movies, visit his website at

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