Kassel’s Cooking Corner: Slurp My Hot Zucchini (Soup)

A while ago I regaled my rapt minions of admirers(1) with my recipe for making the best dill dough anyone has known in the history of the entire world since humans have existed ever.

Your Ingredients
Your Ingredients

Deal is that I made that because I had a lot of leftover fresh dill from this recipe. And here’s the thing that pisses me off. Fresh herbs are unreasonably expensive. Especially when you consider something like dill, which is only slightly more common — and not that dissimilar when you consider its scientific taxonomy — than ditch weed is in a Tijuana street urchin’s backpack, the damn stuff costs too much… like $4 for a small package. In any case I had remembered this recipe from some time back and decided to make it. Then I made dill dough from the leftover dill as I didn’t want it to go to pot(2).

I am proud of the lack of blood spatters on the cutting board
I am proud of the lack of blood spatters on the cutting board

If, like me, you live in Tucson, now is the time of year that you start looking for lighter dinner fare to beat the heat. This recipe was ripped off from a food magazine lost somewhere in the annals of my mind and past subscriptions and then modified to make it taste better. It’s healthy and light, and because of that you should use those nutritionally positive adjectives to wash this down with a bottle or two of cheap hooch.

Don’t ask dumbass questions… Just make this:

Zucchini Dill Soup

Onions and garlic done. Now add the squash
Onions and garlic done. Now add the squash…

Your recipe will require the following. I am not really giving amounts because it is a forgiving recipe on a lot of levels and you should have at least a high school home-ec knowledge of how to improvise in the kitchen(3). Worst case scenario is that you end up with something that resembles water, in which case you simmer it until it looks like soup. Or you end up with something so thick that it resembles the green toxic waste integral to so many Troma Studios films’ plots. in that case you add more stock until it looks like soup. Easy Peasy Pumpkin Pie…

... and some stock and dill, and cook until it looks kinda like this...
… and some stock and dill, and cook until it looks kinda like this…

You’ll need:

  • Zucchini. Or a combination of other squashes like Mexican gray squash ro some yellow crookneck squash or a combination of all of ’em like I used because I am a freakin Michelangelo in the kitchen.
  • Chicken Stock or Broth
  • Some Butter or Olive Oil
  • A clove or two or three of fresh garlic
  • An onion
  • white wine
  • Fresh Dill
  • salt and pepper
  • You’re going to want to top this with yogurt at the end. If you can get it, use Greek style yogurt, which is the bomb.

Easy as hell… do this.

Step 1: Choppity Chopchop! Start Cooking

Chop up your onion and garlic and sauté them in the butter or olive oil until it is opaque. As much as having onion caramelized would make sense because it is delicious on a lot of levels, it doesn’t quite work in

Blend this mess up (note my sexy blender)

this recipe and adds a touch of bitterness. You won’t want to brown it.

Step 2: Introduce The Liquids

Add your white wine to the pan and let some of the alcohol cook off. Then add your chicken stock, sliced squash, and a bunch of chopped dill. Cook this up until the squash is looking like it’s cooked.

Step 3: Blend

You’ll need an extra pot or big bowl or something. Blend this mess in batches until it is liquefied. Return it to the pot and add salt and pepper to taste.

Step 4: Adjust Viscosity and Eat

Return to the pot and dork with the consistency
Return to the pot and dork with the consistency

As mentioned before, if the soup seems too thin let it reduce. Too thick, add some stock or water. Until it seems right. Toss it in a bowl and drizzle some plain yogurt on top of it. If you have it, use Greek Yogurt (I get the Trader Joe’s 2% brand as it is delicious and cheap), which tastes uncannily like sour cream. Sprinkle on a touch of extra finely chopped fresh dill for a bit of an extra oomph as well as because it makes it look pretty.

In the picture of the final result, I’ve added a dash of paprika on top just because I thought it looked pretty. And see that bread on the side? I gotta talk that up as being a home-baked sourdough boule that I was really damn proud came out so well. And yes, I am one of those asses who bakes his own bread and then talks about it.

(1) Both of them
(2) That’s two subtle references to marijuana in one paragraph. Pretty clever, huh, you stupid stoner?
(3) Read “I cook drunk a lot”

Serve! You are a rock star!