“Hey, it’s me again.”

“Oh, uh, hey, haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s up?”

“Not much, you know, same ol’ same ol’. Just, you know, bein’ a house. That’s all.”

“Ah, yeah — how’s that workin’ out for you?”

“Pretty good, pretty good, can’t complain.”

“That’s cool…. You’re a pretty good house.”

“Thanks. When you say ‘Pretty good’…?”

“What? Oh, no, no, you’re a great house. I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Ah, OK, great, great, I just was wondering if there was anything I could improve on or anything.”

“Nope, not that I can really think of. Though, like, if you were gonna improve, like, how would you?”

“Uh… hm. Now that you mention it, I don’t know. I mean, I am a house. I can’t really do much of anything. Can’t really move or grow or anything.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. You can talk, though, that’s pretty neat.
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Don’t sell yourself short, man.”

“Oh, yeah — I didn’t mean that, like I was just a house or anything, just stating the facts. I’m comfortable with myself.”

“That’s good, that’s good. A lot of people seem to get into a funk about themselves, even when they’re pretty cool.”

“Yeah — and, heh, it’s always the folks who suck who don’t ever think about how they might actually not be all that great, am I right?”

“That’s the truth.”

“…I’m not like that, though? I mean, you’d tell me if I wasn’t good, right?”

“What? Oh, yeah, totally, no, you’re cool.”

“Thanks man…”

“So, uh, like, is there anything I can do for you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’m doing pretty good…”

“Really, you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s cool… well, actually…”


“Well, if you’re not busy or anything, it doesn’t really matter too much…”

“No, no, man, what is it?”

“Well, uh, I wouldn’t really mind some new weatherstripping…”

“Oh, hm, it has been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, and I wouldn’t want you and the missus to get drafty or anything.”

“That’s a good point — I’ll get on that, maybe next weekend?”

“Cool, cool.”


“Well, ah, cool… thanks for the heads up on that…”

“No problem…”


“Um, don’t think I just talked just because I wanted something, you know?”

“OH, no no, I don’t think that at all. It’s good to chat with you.”

“Good, good, I was just worried cause, well, I know I’ve been quiet lately, and I finally talk just to ask for something…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it, man.”

“I don’t really have a whole lot to talk about always, you know, being a house and all… don’t really, don’t really have any stories about what happened at work or on vacation or anything.”

“No, it’s cool, I understand.”

“…Cool, cool, so… yeah. ”


“Hey, heh, don’t be a stranger!”

“Heh, yeah — I won’t… where am I gonna go, anyway? I live here!”

“Yep, yep! I guess I’ll see you around… me!”

“…heh… yeah…”