Interview: Caplin Rous

Caplin Rous is name of giant hamster-rat some calling capybara. Is famous rat creature because featuring in newest book calling Celeste and The Giant Hamster. As actual kitty myself, most delightsful to take break from busy day making dreamings of mouse and plots to do underminings to RIVAL, to instead do interviewings towards such creature. Caplin seem unusually smart for these kind and abilities to write SO WELL. Obvious intellectuals. We talking about many fascistating topic such as book he featuring, rat, and even wobal glarmings (question which proving my dynamite journalisting skill). Usually cat believing rodent to be foods stuff, but Caplin apparently too big to make eatings with anyway. So for these I making tries to be friend instead of RIVAL.




Part The First

Mickey’s Note: First nine question (Part First) web dictator make do for evers interview. I no know what they saying, and doubt giant hamster-rat understandings either. Only food question make sense with me. Next part I having more question.

KS: At this moment in time, what is your favorite song?
Caplin Rous: Just heard “Somebody Told Me” by the Killers so that’s my favorite at this very moment.

KS: What’s your favorite band that you don’t think a lot of people would have heard of?
Caplin Rous: I like Mountain Kids Fantasy. Their music is great and they are my Facebook friends. Plus they like capybaras. They even have merchandise featuring the band’s name along with a drawing of a capybara. And they are nice people.

KS: What, if anything, is on any particular wall (your choice) in your domicile?
Caplin Rous: My owner hung a picture of The Owl and the Pussycat down low where I can see it in one of my favorite corners of the house. I like that. Art should be accessible.

KS: What’s the strangest thing you own?
Caplin Rous: I have my own swimming pool. That is not really so strange, every capybara needs some place to swim.

KS: What’re your top three movies?
Caplin Rous: Obviously, The Princess Bridealt is my favorite movie of all time. I haven’t seen G-Forcealt because they won’t let capybaras into theaters but that is my second favorite anyway. My third favorite is probably Stuart Littlealt. I am envious of his car.

KS: What is your favorite game?
Caplin Rous: Broom Game is currently my favorite. It’s a game I play in the pool with my owners and a broom. They move the broom around and I chase it. Sometimes I leap out of the water to grab it and sometimes I dive to the bottom of the pool. It is excellent fun.

KS: What is the most boring thing you’ve ever experienced?
Caplin Rous: Nothing is boring to a capybara. We believe that a new world is constantly being born in front of your eyes and if you don’t pay attention, it won’t be a world you like.

KS: What is your favorite meal?
Caplin Rous: Anyone who knows me knows that blueberry yogurt is my absolute favorite food. There is nothing better in the universe.

KS: What is reality?
Caplin Rous: An interesting question. Once I rolled all the way over and when I got up I was in a parallel universe. I tried for a long time to get back (but not, of course, by rolling over again, that is much too dangerous). I’ve given up now that this reality has grown on me. Much is the same but there are some subtle differences.


Part The Second

Mickey: What it like being giant hamster-rat?
Caplin Rous: This question confuses me. I am going to have to assume you mean a capybara. My owner perpetrates the myth that we are closely related to hamsters since my blog URL is In fact, we are much more closely related to guinea pigs. How does it feel to be a capybara? We are the cutest animals in the world (no offense) and that feels great. We don’t even have to try. Life is good for a capybara.


Mickey: What you think of cat? You have question for me? Peoples say I is cat.
Caplin Rous: I like cats. You guys are cute and soft and you purr. I don’t like big cats like jaguars though. They are monsters.

Mickey: But Jaguar just big kitty like Caplin big hamster or guinea piglette as you saying, no?
Caplin Rous: Maybe. I think cats don’t scale as well as rodents do. Probably because, nothing personal, but cats have a bit of an attitude. Their attitude grows exponentially with size. Proof of this is that jaguars will even eat humans.

Mickey: You saying with brooming game earlier you liking water? Kitty scared of water. Caplin like water, or all giant hamster-rat or Capybaby liking?
Caplin Rous: Capybaras are semi-aquatic. I spend at least an hour or two in the water every day. Guinea pigs, rats and mice don’t like to swim. Maybe it’s a size thing. Jaguars and even tigers like to swim. If you grow more, maybe you’ll learn to like the water.

Mickey: I have many RIVAL who I hate as much as day long. Do you have any RIVAL?
Caplin Rous: Oh no! I don’t hate anyone (except my owner’s son, Philip). I am friends with all the animals that come into my yard: birds, rabbits, raccoons, squirrels (even though they steal my pears). Wait, come to think of it, I don’t like my tortoise co-pet Leopolda when she comes into my corner of the yard and completely disregards my ownership of said corner. I’d bite her but I can’t figure out how.


Mickey: Sound like lot of potential RIVAL. Why Caplins so generosities with pears?
Caplin Rous: For one thing, the squirrels climb around in the trees and run along the top of the fence where I can’t get to them. For another, they lead such hard lives. No humans to take care of them, feed them yogurt, get them fresh fruit when the tree runs out. And since I am King-of-the-Rodents, I have some responsibility for their well-being.

Mickey: I hear you famous giant hamster-rat. You in book. What it like? How do kitty break into book bizziness?
Caplin Rous: I do have a book! It is called Celeste and the Giant Hamster. Celeste is actually a cat. The giant hamster is a capybara. You would probably love the book because there is so much about cats in it (and yet enough about capybaras to keep it interesting). Most animals find it difficult to break into the book game since they have such poor language skills (no offense). Communication is the key to… I guess communication, which is what books are about.

Mickey: Yes bookings sound fascistating with cats and these Capybaby you talkings about who is you. Who this Celeste like? Singles?
Caplin Rous: Sorry to say that Celeste is not a real cat. My owner’s granddaughter just loves cats and wanted my owner to write her a book about one. She made Celeste the Cat up out of cat pets she had in the past.

Mickey: How is Caplin Rous? Name mean somethings?
Caplin Rous: My last name, Rous, an acronym from the movie/book The Princess Bride. It stands for Rodent Of Unusual Size, which I certainly am! The ROUSs in the movie were actually just humans in rat costumes though. Capybaras aren’t fierce enough for the part.

Mickey: You related to mouse. You also delicious?
Caplin Rous: I dare you to find out if I’m delicious for yourself! But it is a sad fact that we are delicious. Humans in South America are going to eat us into extinction if they are not careful. As a housecat, you don’t have these worries, but think how destructive humans are to wild cats. I’ll bet there are no wild cats (bobcats, cougars and the like, not domestic cats that have gone feral) where you live. And yet, in the past, they might have been common. And humans don’t even eat cats. Think how much worse it is for us.

Mickey: I sleep most day. You awake like sucker or sleep too?
Caplin Rous: I guess I’m inbetween. Sleep some, stay awake some. Since I am an herbivore, I need to spend a lot of time grazing and my owner will only watch me swim when it is light outside.

Mickey: How you spend most day? When waking I usually eat cricket and dream of mouse. Human stupid, yes?
Caplin Rous: I do sleep a lot in the morning. Afternoons are for grazing and taking short dips in the pool. Late in the day I like to take a longer swim. Then at night I hang out with my humans and Maple, my rabbit co-pet, and watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Usually my owner will feed me blueberries during the show. I don’t think humans are stupid for being diurnal, it is just their biology. Mine is more adaptable.

Mickey: How is getting along with Maple rabbits?
Caplin Rous: Maple is a great co-pet! She is little but she has a tremendous amount of energy. Sometimes she bites my whiskers but I don’t mind. And sometimes she hops on my back, which is just too cute. She is so tiny it doesn’t bother me at all to have her stand on me. And I share my blueberries and lettuce with her. She doesn’t eat much, relatively speaking.

Mickey: What you think of situation with carbon emission in USA, and less industrialized county like Indichina? Think mouse have something to do with?
Caplin Rous: Climate change is a big threat to wild capybaras and we have enough to deal with without that. My owner and I travel in a Prius and I would hate to be seen in a big gas-guzzling car spewing out greenhouse gases. I don’t think mice have anything to do with this, although they do get blamed for a lot of things. I think this is human greed and the whole “dominion over the fish of the sea and the animals of the earth” thing. Humans are so self-centered. On India and China, everyone has to do their part before they start criticizing others. But I’m just a capybara and these are big problems.


Mickey: Mouse responsible for many problem. Cat help by eat mouse. Mouse is cousin to giant hamster-rat. You eat mouse too, or close families?
Caplin Rous: As I said early, mice and their cousins the rats are unfairly blamed for many of the world’s problems. For example, the plague was transmitted by fleas, not rats. And I’d like to mention that mice are my subjects, as we capybaras are the royalty of the rodent world. I would hate to have to send some of my subjects over there to teach you to respect your rodent friends, if you get what I mean.

Mickey: You Highnesses! I no know Caplin king of rat. How do animal become king? Kitty always dreaming of becoming greatest leaders, like Stalin and Kings Of Pop. What life as royalistics being like?
Caplin Rous: It is not easy being king. It is a lot of responsibility. I have to think about my subjects all the time. If you don’t keep them happy, the revolt. You cannot lead subjects who do not want to be led. Which I think is what will keep cats from ever having a monarchy. Lions are referred to as the King of Beasts, but I think that excludes the other cats. And I KNOW it does not include rodents. We bow to no other animal group.

Mickey: You ever meet Chinchillas?
Caplin Rous: Chinchillas are probably the softest of all the rodents. Sadly, I have not personally met any although I am Facebook or Twitter friends with some. But you can’t feel how soft the fur of a virtual friend is.

Mickey: I hear you visit tiny human often. Do you consider RIVAL?
Caplin Rous: I get along with almost anyone. And I love kids. I go to schools and libraries and teach them about capybaras and other rodents. Kids love me and I love them.

Mickey: I hear Popes and Catolic consider you fith. Is true?
Caplin Rous: Yes, this is horribly true and continues to contribute to the decline of my species in the wild. We are still a species of least concern but how much persecution can we take? What, there are almost SEVEN BILLION humans on this world and they still think that is not enough. Soon no room will be left for capybaras.

Mickey: As giant hamster-rat, you have many disease like rat? Contagion? How many cat do you think you fight before tenderized?
Caplin Rous: There is a reason cats fear us, we are very large and we have enormous feet. Personally, I don’t think this question is appropriate for an interview. I’m going to try to remain polite but I can’t be responsible for what happens if you continue this line of questioning.

Mickey: Any more thing you say for youself?
Caplin Rous: One quarter of all mammal species are rodents. Many of us make good pets – mice, hamsters, guinea pigs and rats come to mind. But capybaras are not for everyone. We are large animals that require lots of room, including a pool for swimming. We can be aggressive and we demand lots of time from our owners. But the more you know about us, the more you will like us. And ecotourism specifically to see capybaras may help give local people an incentive to preserve our wild populations.

All Caplin Rous images by M. Typaldos.


About The Author
Mickey Smitherson is a 10 year-old domestic longhair cat currently living in Cat(hedral) City, California. Spending most days hunting for crickets, sleeping, and obsessing over his many and varied rivals (or, as he describes, “RIVAL”), he has recently made the decision to take up a career in writing. While this might not seem the most obvious choice given his appalling grammar and English composition skills, what he lacks for in skill he makes up for in confident conceit and an insatiable hunger for the truth. Shortly after conducting this interview with Caplin Rous, he declared himself “King of Kitty.” A coronation ceremony is set for March, 2010.


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