I’ve always wanted to liveblog a show. And this might end up being a recurring thing. So here it goes! I’m watching the Monk marathon on USA tonight.
I like Monk OK, but I haven’t seen hardly any episodes. So I haven’t seen this one, most likely.
Monkey got a gun! And like, shot a dude or something! Now he’s screaming!
Oh, OK, it’s the Randy Newman song. I’ve often been sorta torn on him. Sometimes he’s really pretty cool, and other times, he can be a little too cutesy for my taste. No denying he’s really talented, though.
This show was created by Andy Breckman, who did that song on one of the Dr. Demento compilations, “So Far So Good”, which I liked. So I guess he gets plusses for both a good novelty song and a good show.
OK, ads. Pillsbury and now some thing where it’s a really half-assed Rankin-Bass parody, but they didn’t get the look and feel right or anything, and it’s sorta blegh. Now it’s that trailer for the new movie about a Loch Ness Type Monster, called The Water Horse. OK, I think this is done. No, wait, it’s the Law & Order ad for some show about some guy who killed kids for the fun of it.
OK, show’s back! Kids are fighting! Yaaay! Oh, wait, now Monk is taking care of a kid, and the mom is being kind of annoying.
The show episode is “Mr. Monk & The Panic Room”. If you wanna look it up online. Perhaps you should! You’ll probably find out more about this. This is probably gonna be none of the content, all of the spoilers of a standard episode guide.
Monk is bad at doing band-aids.
Mom says the new lady is “Sharona“, who was the original assistant I guess. And she said she was a “neurotic slut; she wasn’t a bad person, but…” Ah, this is just an old episode, OK.
The dead dude is a Record Producer! This should be amusing to see what they get right/wrong. He apparently produced Springsteen and the Stones and “Chloë”.
The thing that seems kind of neat about Monk is that it’s an awful lot like Columbo, only where Columbo played dumb to catch people, Monk plays crazy. Only he’s not playing.
Monk found out the monkey killed the dude. And he’s not a monkey, he’s a chimp. And his name is Darwin, which is kind of a cliche name for a monkey, but hey.
I don’t think Columbo would have an episode where a monkey killed a dude, though.
Sharona is now going to feed the monkey. I think Peter Gabriel did a song about that.
The studio is 48-tracks, all digital. And the board is in the middle of an open room along with the band set-up. Which is kinda funny, cause, mang, I hope he likes to record either live and/or only one thing at a time, since that’s the two options. He’s also got an “On Air” light on the board, which is kinda funny. Monk just put all the faders down on the board. Which it’s a good thing that the producer isn’t gonna do any more mixin’ being dead, but still. Actually, a lot of times there’s an outboard mixer, but I guess a dude who produced the Stones and Springsteen and Chloë can mix his own stuff if he so desires. But still, they’re probably going to send it off to another guy — perhaps the engineer — and maybe that would have been useful. Monk’s also cleaning up the crime scene which strikes me as odd, but hey.
Now, Monk’s trapped in a Panic Room! He’s PANICKING! Ha ha! That’s why it is a Panic Room! There was all this business where he thought he was going to suffocate in a room with a big hole. It was really funny, actually. Tony Shaloub‘s a great comic actor, really.
Uh-oh! They’re gonna kill the monkey! They got to get the monkey off the charges!
OK, ads again. They keep doing this ad where they lie and say he’s cured and then go “just kidding”. Then, afterwards, they keep running this ad for WWE RAW. Which is kinda… funny, because you wouldn’t think there’d be a whole lot of crossover between the audience for Monk and RAW, at least not enough to warrant running the ads together in a packet, but hey.
That watch has a WHOLE bunch of dials and stuff. You’d think you’d get confused trying to glance at your watch to see the time. But that’s just me. I like just having digital watches. Even though analogs are better for like, using your noodle and such. I guess I’m just mentally lazy.
I dislike the ads of the whole “get your significant other a luxury car for Xmas, or you’re terrible.”
Ok, show’s back! The monkey’s hugging Sharona. They’re talking about whether or not a chimp even can fire a gun. That’s a good question. Heh. “So, I understand you CAN use tools.” That is a great line.
Heh, I like this, the other guy, um, Dribbler or something, is saying that maybe the producer committed “Suicide by Monkey”, training the chimp to shoot him in the panic room. Man, if anyone out there is suicidal, has a chimp and a panic room, I hope you do that. I don’t know how you’d train a monkey to shoot you, though, without having to worry about him shooting you prematurely or shooting anyone else.
Oh! Monkey’s got a loaded gun! No one thought to check it! Heh. I like all the really antagonistic things the captain is doing to enrage the monkey. He’s doing all this cliche monkey stuff. Monkey fired a gun! So I guess they can! (He broke a window, not killed the captain, just in case you were worrying.)
Now they’re at one of those Spy Stores/Defense Stores. Adrian Monk likes Joey Heatherton. I am thinking that the security guy is the killer. But he is nice and not all typically The Bad Guy on shows. Heh, Monk just had to straighten the price tag sign on a very expensive camera.
Now they’re talking with the pop star. And apparently the producer was clinically depressed, so maybe suicide by monkey IS the case! That would be AWESOME. OK, the pop star is totally acting like The Typical Bad Guy so, yes. I’m thinking that it’s her and the security guy together. But now Monk gave up on the monkey! Noooo! But Sharona’s gonna break the monkey out of monkey jail! Yaaay!
Ads. Feh. Walgreens is telling me about plans and coupons. I think this is for Medicare or something. Yeah, guy said “Medicare”. The number 1 movie in the world is apparently the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. That movie WAS pretty good, but I wouldn’t say it was #1. I’d say maybe if it had more of Johnny Depp being crazy in it. That would be cool.
I dislike the song “Sway” from the Antonio Banderas Perfume ads. I always thought it was funny they said the fragrances were “created” by the famous people, since I’m pretty sure they’re not moonlighting as chemists or anything. More likely, they just are given a few and asked “Which do you like best?” and then they call it good.
I like Betty White though, and she likes animals. She’s petting a kitty, and a puppy is sitting nearby. That’s kinda cool. And the dog likes medicine! Now she’s got a different, little dog, though.
They are advertising that USA is showing the 40-Year Old Virgin a lot.
OK! Show! They figured that Sharona stole the monkey back. And her apartment is a wreck now, presumably because of the monkey. The dude, Randy, seems to be paranoid w/r/t the monkey killing again. There should be a show about a monkey serial killer — that’d be pretty great. Then that Randy Dribbler dude should be on it, and he’d be all like “Hey, that monkey’s gonna kill again!” and then there’d be another victim, and everyone’d be all “Oh, ha ha, that Randy, he thinks it’s the monkey again!” and he’d be all “IT IS!!” and then they’d be “if you say it’s the monkey again, YOU’RE OFF THE FORCE, DRIBBLER!!” and then he’d go “But I KNOW it is!” and then he’d get fired and go private, and it’d all end up being like The Fugitive, only instead of a one-armed man being chased by a doctor, it’d be a chimp being chased by a disgraced cop.
OK, now Monk’s got JAIL GOO!! I don’t know what Jail Goo is, but he’s freaking out about it. That is pretty funny. And I like the phrase “Jail Goo”. That’s what that Traffic song should have been. Now Monk’s gotta prove that the monkey’s innocent. The monkey’s in Monk’s house, now! That is funny. He’s gonna be so mad, because the monkey’s gonna mess him up, and he’s gonna be all “EWWW!!! FILTH MAKES ME CRAZY!!” and yes! Hijinks!
This is actually acted really well — it’s all like the cartoons, where the straight man is refusing to acknowledge anything wrong. Pretty soon he’ll probably melt down. I like slow burns. He’s doin’ a good one.
Continuity error! The monkey broke the blue bowl, but then it was back! Ha!
Now monkey wants a hug while Monk’s trying to read a book. OK, his shrink’s over now, but he’s all sort of baffled. The monkey’s swinging from a chandelier, which actually looks pretty fun. And now Monk’s about to cry. And his landlord is pissed about the monkey. The landlord looks vaguely like Dan Castenella, but I don’t think that’s him. And the monkey does not like hatless, bald men.
Ads. It’s sponsored by some arthritis medication. It won’t let you have open sores, though, or other problems. That one woman looks really, really young to have arthritis. Oh, a puppy wants a damn luxury car now. At work, we were talking about these terrible ads. Does anyone a) like them and b) actually buy luxury cars with the bow on the top and all?
Now a kid is shrieking because his dad ate the Santa cookies. That kid is wicked annoying. But then they showed a trailer for Walk Hard, which I would like to see. That is actually a kind of clever ad for the Nicotine gum with the nicotine receptors in the brain. It was pretty well done.
Yay! Show’s back! He’s probably got the Clue to unravel the whole thing right now. Oh, OK, they’re all gonna set a trap! Yay! With a broken digital recorder where they said they can’t move it lest it damage the chip. Which is kinda funny too, but I think the point is that they were betting the security guy wouldn’t know that. Which is kinda odd, because you’d think he’d also sell those sorts of things and know how those work. Yep, I guessed correctly! Yaaaay! Now they’re gonna bust him! Yaaay! It is a mystery that is going to be solved. And they’re getting around having the people talking in the dark with no image by having Monk’s neurosis making him need to see everyone who’s talking, to make it visually interesting.
And then the monkey part was actually a frame-up! That is awesome. I wanna frame a monkey! And now the dude is there to get into the crawl-space. Yaaay! I was right! I am good at guessing mystery shows! Even when they don’t show you the dude right off.
Monk had to straighten up the refrigerator and now the show is over, I think. At least it’s ads before the credits and/or maybe tag? But it’s the Law & Order ad again. Blah blah blah OH NOES THEY KILLED THE KIDS FOR NO REASON/1/1/1 Oh, for some reason, Monk is hitting Monk bobbleheads. Bobbleheads are kinda neat. Now it’s a DIFFERENT crappy fake Rankin-Bass ad. You’d think that if you were gonna parody something, you’d at least watch it first. And now another damn luxury-car-for-xmas ad. HAAATE. Now an ad for N. With girls and cookies. And a half-naked dude who looked kinda like Leonard DeCaprio. Oh, it is Old Navy. I liked it better when it was just an ad for “N”. Because, like when the Space Needle has the big “12” flag on, I like it because the world should be much more like Sesame Street. Man, I am sick of ads, though.
More ads. Oh no, this dude is trying to spend beyond his means and NOW PEOPLE ARE HELPING HIM!! Because that way, you know, they can owe so much so much so much. Great plan. Dumbasses.
OK, now apparently USA is going to air House.
OK! Now it’s back! And Monk’s near a bunny and is freakin’ out at the pound. Monk translated “B-A-L-D” for a kid who’s like 12. Monkey licked Monk! And it’s worse than Jail Goo!