Category: Lance and I…

K. Lawrence’s series of crime and small mammals!

Lance and I discuss the bush baby moon-landings

Brown Greater Galago

Image via Wikipedia

Our car rounds the corner, wheels screeching. Lance is annoyed, but his grinding teeth and sighs of ennui are drowned out by the frantic bleating coming from under the hood. The two goats are being pushed to their limits, and we’re going to have to ditch soon – better we pick somewhere now than have it forced on us when the carrot-tank is empty.

“If only this car was a bit newer,” I say, grinning, “we could be on the lamb!”

Lance turns to look at me, a stare of utter contempt.

“You have got to be kidding,” he says. His face is empty, but after a few seconds a smile bursts through, then grows to its full width. “That’s how you do that,” he says.
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Lance and I Break Out Of A Prison Where All The Guards Are Weasels

Least Weasel (Mustela nivalis) at the British ...
Image via Wikipedia


The breakout is set for a quarter to one, the perfect time for a breakout. Although the guards in this prison are technically all weasels, the guy who’s on the night-shift for section B this week is a ferret, and really his heart just isn’t in it. I know him from last time he had the night-shift. He’s sort of grey-coloured, with light eyes that I saw once when he took off his tiny mirrored sunglasses to give me the stink eye. I had been rattling my metal cup to and fro along the bars of my cell, partly because it annoys the warders but mostly because it annoys Lance.

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Lance and I hold up a bank with guns that shoot guinea-pigs

Guinea Pigs. The two adult Guinea Pigs that li...
Guinea Pigs. The two adult Guinea Pigs that live in my apartment (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Nobody move!” I yell, holding the gun that shoots guinea-pigs up, stock to my shoulder. I can hear a faint squeaking from the breech.

“Please lie on the floor!” Lance screams. He is angry about my choice of words. “Your continued safety relies on adopting a supine position!”

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