Pieces of fiction.
I realized that the previous Fluffy Pony report involved a phenomenon known colloquially as “fluffsplosion” that not everyone may be aware of. I will attempt to clear up any confusion or misconceptions in this brief appendix. Continue reading
You’re the smarty friend of your herd. Your herd is only two, you, a unicorn, and Bluey, a pegasus. Well, kind of two. Perhaps it would be better to say two halves. One body. Though you’re the smarty, you’re also the end that poops.
Bluey’s first words were “Wuv daddeh!”
Your first words were “Wan’ BLURRRRGGGGGH die.”
Your second words were “wife nu pretty”.
Hooman munstas have no desire to actually kill you. The abusers end up scaring Bluey so bad he makes sorry poopies. They watch and figure that your existence alone is crueler than anything they could ever do to you. The ones who typically take care of and love fluffies can’t bring themselves to kill a healthy fluffy. You are, technically healthy. Bluey’s thriving, and thus you are too. But they can’t bear to see your misery, so they don’t take you in either, so you became a feral herd – the two of you. Luckily, Bluey’s happy to let you be the smarty. He doesn’t seem to realize that all of your smarty ideas involve attempting suicide. Continue reading
Every so often you realize that you’re more or less living in the future, and that the future is pretty neat. In fact, most times it’s pretty great, except for two things:
a) In the future, everything is – for whatever reason – online
and
b) Some people are still assholes.
In fact, A wouldn’t even be a problem if it weren’t for B. But B has been a problem for all of history, and will likely continue to remain a problem until humanity dies out… probably due to some people being assholes. Continue reading
You’re the smarty friend of your herd. It’s a small herd – only two, you, a unicorn, and Bluey, a pegasus. Well, kind of two. Perhaps it would be better to say two halves. One body. You’re a freak of nature that somehow survived to adulthood.
It’s not so great. Though you’re the smarty, you’re also the end that poops. Through your mouth. You think poopies smell not-pretties? Try tasting them. Continue reading
It’s a lovely day in the park. Your herd is having a wonderful time, grazing, playing ball, hugging and playing circle-run!
But then… HORROR! It’s so horrible you can barely describe it! You got BIT…… BY A STRIPEY BUGGIE MUNSTA! NUUUUUUUU!!! You were here first! You just wanted to eat a flower! The buggy was just flying right near it! What a jerk! This must not stand!
BUT WAIT: You are a slightly smarter than usual fluffy and you know that if you try to attack, it won’t end well. You’ve been in many fours of herds. And each of those many fours ended due to an attack. You think there might be a pattern there. The smarty friend of this herd agrees. Continue reading
For those unfamiliar with Fluffy Ponies, here is the rough background. Back in 201X, Hasbio, the genetic engineering arm of Hasbro, developed a biotoy as the next phase of My Little Pony (which has become wildly, absurdly popular) merchandise. The fluffy ponies are created from a very, very mixed genome (which is rumored to secretly include that of a little girl – a rumor consistently denied by Hasbio). They have the mind of roughly a 3-4 year old human and can speak in baby-talk. They were designed to be incredibly fragile and weak to the extent where they’re unable to hurt even a child (as that could open Hasbio up to lawsuits). This fragility also means fluffy ponies are pretty death-prone. Continue reading
Mallory Square (Photo credit: flowercat)
Even for an eight-year-old girl, Mallory Luminosity had an oversized imagination. So, when she told her father that she had discovered a secret pathway to another world in the woods their neighborhood bled into, naturally he did not believe her. And he did not think encouraging children’s “foolish flights of fancy” was healthy, either. So, he simply said, “Mallory, you know that’s impossible. Now finish your peas.”
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Image by msomm via Flickr
The new movie was called “Antennas Without Signal” and it was a live-action-combined-with-stop-motion children’s film. The film was based around this guy who leaves his society and runs away (while it was a fantastic/futuristic/whatever society, it was NOT Dystopian, even though lots of other elements in the film were like Brazil or something), and he finds this Out Of The Way Sort Of Society, I believe in the forest, with a large neon-sign up top that had a single word, “Sanctuary”. Anyway, Björk made her return to acting as the Fairy who the guy first found, and she sorta took him in and did that sort of “Here are the things you do in our culture!” sequence that happens in more or less every Disney Film.
Cover of David Allan Coe
So, I had the last dream of the night, or rather the last dream that I remember of the night, since, after all, dreams tend to last much shorter than they feel like they do and all, nor do we remember all of them, but at any rate, here’s this particular one. It was at an outdoor convention for musicians. I think in this particular one, the conceit was that my band had gotten at least marginally famous (in about the Maximum I would assume that any band I was in could get famous at all even if all the cards were in order and whatnot, and that’s basically a Minor One-Hit Wonder. Not of course that I’d think that we’d ever have even a remote shot at that, but I’m just saying that if The Band Were To Get Famous, That’d Be About The Best We Could Hope For, y’know?), and was at some sort of retreat for musicians. Sort of like a company picnic, I guess. Only instead of a business, it was a bunch of musicians of the sort who were more reknowned now than actually famous.
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Image via Wikipedia
You should’ve seen Matt he said
not that I seen him — but my
youngest says there was blood he
swears dripping from his lips like
bar-b-q sauce after wing night
but he wasn’t eatin’ and I thought
it might just be from a fight but
no man in town could fight him and
ever come even half close enough –
I know we done this before and
I thought it was ended: but it
looks like at least one vampire
survived.