Movies and TV Shows I watched between the end of April and end of July 2009:
Sex and Death 101 (DVD via Netflix) – I rented this mainly because Simon Baker is fucking adorable. This movie is about a guy who gets an email which is a list of every woman he has every fucked or will ever fuck and so he breaks off his wedding and goes on a rampage of sleeping with all these woman (and at least one guy which was a totally adorable moment) and then finds out that the last woman on his list is a serial killer. It’s a very cute movie and worth a watch if for no other reason than Simon Baker is the very definition of MAN CANDY.
My So-Called Life – The Complete Series (DVD via Netflix) – I fucking adored this show. It’s probably a good thing that I never saw it back in the day because it was just way too close to home on a lot of things. My favorite character is Brian Krakow. I mentioned here of course that the show is really the story of Brian, in the end. I am really sad that there was no further season. Or at least a half-assed TV movie like for Dead Like Me (keep reading, I review that thing here too). I totally adore this show. It is so good. If you haven’t experienced it, I HIGHLY recommend it.
Sliders – The First and Second Seasons (DVD via Netflix) – This was one of those shows that was on around the same era as Time Trax and Quantum Leap. It’s light fluffy fun but the gimmick plays itself out fairly exhaustively within the first two seasons. I’m not really interested in seeing any more of this purposefully. The characters are just kind of entertaining and not really that engaging.
The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror (DVD via Netflix) – This is a campy horror movie with the gimmick of having a lot of homos. And that really does make it good fun. See, there’s a bed and bre…
HANG ON A SECOND. I just found a Rush tape in my little tape player. WTF. I didn’t even remember that I had 2112 on tape. So why is it in my tape player? Sorry.
SO THERE IS A bed and breakfast and the crazy religious mother invites queers in during pride or whatever so that she can kill them off or her mutant son (a guy in a sleeping bag that makes him look like he’s kind of like a worm, it’s totally awesome) can kill them off. And meanwhile her fucked up daughter wants to fuck all the girls. This is a really awesome movie if you’re gay or like gay shit in movies and like campy horror flicks.
Nightmare at Noon (DVD via Netflix) – Let me tell you why I got this through Netflix. It came up on Netflix under Wings Hauser’s name. And the description starts like this “A mute albino (Brion James)…’ and I’m like I AM FUCKING SOLD. So Brion James, as a mute albino, poisons a small town’s water supply with some shit that turns the residents into kind of fucked up zombie-like psychos. I don’t think they’re actually undead as they don’t appear to die and then come back, so it seems more like 28 Days Later where they ARE NOT FUCKING ZOMBIES but have angry monkey disease. These people seem to turn to green goo inside (kind of like Troll 2) and just go fucking nuts and want to fuck shit up. But they still can like shoot guns and drive cars so they’re not really that zombie-like. Anyway, Wings Hauser is a rock’n’roll lawyer and he and his wife are stuck, along with Bo Hopkins (who is beyond fucking cool in this movie BTW) in the town and they have to save the fucking day and shit. There are moments that make no sense but are kind of awesome anyway. My favorite is after Wings and his wife have broken down at the edge of town, they are walking back and magically Wings has this huge fuck-off machine gun and a guy in a truck just pulls up and offers them a ride like he doesn’t even notice the enormous fucking gun.
The Fog (DVD via Netflix) – Classic John Carpenter that I had never seen. I kind of dug the creepy shit in the fog and I also liked that Tom Atkins was like kind of ugly hot. And Adrienne Barbeau is always awesome.
Monkeybone (DVD via Netflix) – Brendan Fraser is a dude who draws a pervy cartoon character called Monkeybone and he wants to propose to his therapist turned girlfriend but due to a freak auto accident, he is in a coma and stuck in a limbo cartoon land with a physical manifestation of Monkeybone and he tries to steal a pass out of limbo land and Monkeybone steals it from him and hijinks ensue. It’s actually a really good entertaining and touching movie and Chris Kattan has an unexpected and really awesome performance a little over halfway through I think.
The Emerald Forest (DVD via Netflix) – John Boorman is a director that I really like but I don’t always really like his individual movies (with the noted exception of Excalibur which I motherfucking love). The Emerald Forest is a very epic movie and one that I found captivating the entire way through. This was a movie that had the opportunity to go a super sappy retarded route but I felt like they kind of kept it well in check. If you like epic flicks like Excalibur or other kind of South American Amazonian epics like The Mosquito Coast or Fitzcarraldo, then I recommend this one.
Play Misty for Me (DVD via Netflix) – This was Clint Eastwood’s directorial debut and it’s a good one. He plays a radio DJ who ends up with this crazy stalker fan and she fucks up his life. It’s not a super complex movie but it’s really well done and I enjoyed it a lot.
Extremities (DVD via Netflix) – Farrah Fawcett plays a woman who is abducted, attacked, and the dude almost rapes her but she escapes. But he got her wallet and so she’s scared he’ll come to her home but the police won’t do shit. She ends up at home when he comes to her home. Farrah give a fucking spectacular performance and the movie overall is a good one. But if you’re not into like rape revenge movies then I don’t recommend it.
Nick of Time (DVD via Netflix) – Johnny Depp is a widowed dad and Christopher Walken grabs his daughter and tells him that if he doesn’t kill this like governor or senator or whatever lady that he’ll kill his daughter. The movie is done in real time so it’s like a precursor to 24. It’s pretty interesting in that way. I loved Christopher Walken’s performance in it and thought the movie was good with the exception of this like daydream sequence that was like the bit in An American Crime where the girl gets away where you’re like “That is so not really happening” and it just distracts from the real story.
The Italian Job (DVD via Netflix) – I want to sex the fuck out of Michael Caine. SERIOUSLY. Even present-day Michael Caine. The man is so fucking adorable. I liked this movie. Hell, I liked the remake. But the ending to this movie was unexpected and kind of awesome.
Robin Hood – Season One (DVD via Netflix) – As I’ve said to people in the meantime, this show has one of the greatest characters ever — Djac. But it’s just not a very good show. The stakes aren’t high enough. Robin Hood won’t fucking kill the Sheriff and so he’s not interesting, he lacks a good character foundation, he’s weak. They try to fuck with that like in the episode where he gets spitting mad and wants to kill Guy and then near the end when he THINKS Marian is dead and so it makes it OK for him to kill that one time. But really, the most interesting character on the show is Guy of Gisborne who is the fucking bad guy. He’s more interesting because he’s complex. He’s done fucked up shit and he continues to do fucked up shit but he wants redemption. He’s a much better character. I’ve seen pictures from the second and third season and apparently Djac and Will get together in the second season and she girls it up and I have NO interest in seeing that shit. And I guess she’s not even in the third season. So fuck that shit.
Pumpkinhead (DVD via Netflix) – Lance Henriksen has a totally adorable son and he gets killed in a motorcycle accident so Lance calls down the wrath of the demon Pumpkinhead onto the group of teens responsible. It’s a good one, a solid movie.
The Wizard of Gore (remake) (DVD via Netflix) – This movie should be better than it is. Given that it has a cast that literally makes me shiver whenever I think of all these people in the same movie — Crispin Glover, Jeffrey Combs, Brad Dourif, and the return of Joshua Miller (ADORABLE). But though it has some good moments, ultimately it gets caught crawling up its own asshole.
Synecdoche, New York (DVD via Netflix) – Philip Seymour Hoffman is a theater director and his wife leaves him and takes his daughter away to Europe and he gets a genius grant and starts to work on this super elaborate theater project based on his own life. It gets incredibly complex and the movie also focuses on his relationship with a lot of other women. I really liked this movie, I like Charlie Kaufman’s stuff (Adaptation and Being John Malkovich, etc). My hands-down favorite part was Diaene Wiest playing Caden. So though I like the whole movie, probably the last half-hour or so was my favorite.
Fanboys (DVD via Netflix) – It’s 1999 and a group of fanboy friends gets together to go on a road trip to Lucas ranch to try to steal/see an advance copy of The Phantom Menace. This was a totally fucking hilariously awesome movie and had unexpectedly touching moments of course. Seth Rogen plays like two or three roles and is fabulous at all of them. There are great cameos throughout and I enjoyed the whole thing. I recommend this movie to EVERYONE.
Death Wish (DVD via Netflix) – Charles Bronson is an architect in New York. His wife and daughter are attacked and raped while he’s not at home. His wife dies and his daughter ends up catatonic. Bronson is really upset because the police can’t do anything. He starts going vigilante and attacking wrongdoers on his own. It’s not the best vigilante movie I’ve seen (hell, after seeing Vigilante it would be hard for this movie to live up to that one) but it’s a good one still.
Father Hood (DVD via Netflix) – Patrick Swayze is a widowed father whose kids are in a state-run home and his daughter breaks out and runs to him to ask him to get her brother out because the kids are mistreated in the home. Swayze has a con job planned in New Orleans though so he’s kind of pissed but does it just to get her to leave him alone. He ends up running from the law cross country with both his kids, bonding with them. It’s a very cute movie and I enjoyed it. Swayze is very swayze.
The Burning (DVD via Netflix) – There’s a mean camp counselor at a camp and some of the kids decide to play a prank on him but it goes badly and he ends up getting badly burned. Years later he escapes the hospital or whatever and starts killing off kids at camp. It has some sweet deaths and is a good slasher a la Sleepaway Camp (though SC is better).
Henry Rollins: Uncut from NYC (DVD via Netflix) – I love Henry. I could watch him or listen to him do anything and I would be happy.
Role Models (DVD via Netflix) – THIS MOVIE FUCKING RULES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY!! FUCK!!! SOOOOOO GREAT! I fucking love Paul Rudd and he does a great job in this one, being the “straight man” but still just being fucking funny as SHIT anyway. This is about two guys who work for a Red Bull-esque energy drink company and they fuck up so they get community service and they end up working for Jane Lynch (I love her) as mentors for these two kids. And it’s a great premise and brilliant execution. The resolution toward the end building to the climax was fucking awesome. It’s the kind of movie that you see and you’re like “I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHIT IT IS AMAZING”.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (DVD via Netflix) – Jason Segel is a lazy musician/composer who is dating the hot star of a CSI-type show but she dumps him and so he goes to Hawaii to forget her only to find her staying at the same hotel with her new boyfriend. It’s a good movie with a lot of funny moments and it’s very moving at moments. I really liked the Dracula musical with puppets.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (DVD via Netflix) – I love the first Underworld. I mostly didn’t really like the second one because Michael Sheen wasn’t in it. I loved that this was like his movie. His and Bill Nighy’s movie really. It’s a prequel to the first Underworld and tells the story of Lucian, the first awesome Lycan, and his love for Viktor’s daughter who is a vampire. This is a totally awesome action movie. And Michael Sheen is one of the greatest actors of our time.
Slumdog Millionaire (DVD via Netflix) – The story of two brothers who grow up in the slums of India and one becomes obsessed with a girl and the other ends up fucking him over but the obsessed one ends up on the Millionaire show trying to get the girl. I really liked the Bollywood number at the end, otherwise it was pretty good. I didn’t think it was like the greatest movie ever though if I had seen it before the Oscars I would have pegged it for the winner cuz it is that kind of movie.
Starrbooty (DVD via Netflix) – RuPaul is Special Agent Starrbooty, she has to go undercover as a hooker in order to get close to this bad lady who has kidnapped Starrbooty’s niece. This is the kind of movie that makes me happy to be alive, it’s totally fucking awesome.
My Science Project (DVD via Netflix) – A good but not spectacular 80s teen flick. Some kids are looking through a junkyard for parts for a science project and find some extraterrestrial shit that kills their car battery or whatever. Dennis Hopper apparently uses it to travel through time and space or something. Zapped! was better.
Eragon (DVD via Netflix) – I gave this 5 stars on Netflix because it was totally fun, entertaining, and great. I haven’t read the books but didn’t feel like I was missing anything really. I could read the books I guess, but I just really enjoyed the movie. It’s about a fantasy land where there used to be dragon riding warriors but they all got killed off (the dragons anyway) but evil kind John Malkovich but a dragon egg hatches and the dragon bonds with a farm boy named Eragon and Jeremy Irons has to teach him to be a great dragon riding warrior and defeat the evil Robert Carlylse as a kind of zombie wizard. It’s totally sweet.
Twilight (DVD via Netflix) – YES!!! TWILIGHT!!!! This was great. This movie is made of teen angst and has some of the most fun dialogue ever. My favorite exchange:
Random Friend: I wish Eric would ask me to prom. Emo Goth Chick: You should ask him. You’re a strong, independent woman. Random Friend: I am?
Later, Random Friend says “I asked Eric to prom and he said yes! You were right! I took CONTROL!” Oh the classiness of it all! I cannot WAIT for sequels and I might even read the books.
Devil Times Five (DVD via Netflix) – A busload of kids from the hospital for criminally insane children descend onto a cabin in the mountains full of unsuspecting adults. I like creepy kids in movies and this is a good one with lots of creepy kids killing people. I think the best part, though, is that Leif Garrett appears to be wearing a wig about half the time.
The Cannonball Run (DVD via Netflix) – Lots of teams of drivers are trying to drive across the country first to win the prize. It’s got a kind of feeling like Midnight Madness except that you don’t actually know who is going to win. It’s full of great moments and scenes and characters. I recommend it.
Audrey Rose (DVD via Netflix) – Anthony Hopkins tells this couple that their daughter is the reincarnation of his daughter, Audrey Rose, who died in a car crash and fire the day that their daughter was born. It is clearly jumping a bit onto the ’70s bandwagon of movies like The Exorcist or The Omen with the ‘your child may not really be your child’ kind of theme, but it’s a good movie still, if not as good as The Exorcist or The Omen really.
Hundra (DVD via Netflix) – Hundra is a warrior from a female tribe that is attacked and she is one of the only survivors. She’s instructed by the old matriarch of the tribe to go forth and reproduce and have girl babies so that she can repopulate their tribe. In the process she learns to clean up and be a bit more feminine and she kind of falls in love with this doctor dude. She ends up kicking the ass of the local lords and temple dudes. It’s a good kind of Conan/Barbarian Queen-style flick and I liked it quite a bit.
Step Up (DVD via Netflix) – A white boy from the streets gets community service at a dance academy and ends up dancing and falling in love with one of the girls there and they change each other’s worlds. It is pretty decent. I’m looking forward to seeing the next Step Up movies.
Cross Creek (DVD via Netflix) – A biopic about the lady who wrote The Yearling that I mostly got because Dana Hill is in it. She and Rip Torn give the best performances as a father and daughter who love each other but have fights about her pet deer. It is totally heart breaking. And it’s a good movie besides.
Tiptoes (DVD via Netflix) – Matthew McConaughey is an average size person from a family of small people, including his twin brother Gary Oldman. MM is concerned because his girlfriend, Kate Beckinsale, is knocked up and he’s afraid she’ll have a dwarf baby, and he has a huge problem with this. She, however, doesn’t just come to terms with it, she might be falling for his brother. BUM BA DUM! This movie doesn’t really have a climax or denouement I think, it’s a slow and kind of quiet movie (I mean, with some notable exceptions) but it’s really very good. It’s also directed by Matthew Bright from Forbidden Zone which is cool.
Shakes the Clown (DVD via Netflix) – The “Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies” — so true, so true. This is like an alternate reality where lots of people are clowns and hang out at clown bars and stuff, but there are also people who are mimes and stuff too and mimes hate clowns. Anyway, Shakes is alcoholic and he has to get his shit together. I liked this movie.
Quintet (DVD via Netflix) – BORING ASS MOVIE. In the post-apocalyptic future there’s hardly any food or firewood or anything to fucking do so people play some game where they might get killed or whatever and Paul Newman ends up mixed up in it and it’s really boring.
Angel (DVD via Netflix) – This girl has been putting herself through a fancy private junior high school by being a hooker on Hollywood Boulevard since she was 12. The best part is probably Susan Tyrrell. It’s not actually very sleazy or anything. It’s pretty fucking PG for the subject matter.
Avenging Angel (VHS that I own) – The sequel to Angel. Not as good as the first — the cop that helped get Angel off the street and into law school is killed and so she puts on her hooker gear and hits the street but it’s not very good.
Zapped! (DVD via Netflix) – I really liked Zapped! It’s about Scott Baio accidentally getting telekinetic powers from a science experiment gone awry which feels like a typical 80s teen comedy premise but this one is pretty awesome.
Candy (DVD via Netflix) – Heath Ledger and this girl are in a codependent relationship in which they are hooked on heroin and on each other. The movie follows the story of their love and what they do to keep themselves in smack and their attempts to kick the addiction. It’s an Australian movie and Heath Ledger uses what I can only assume is his real accent. He is, as always, fucking brilliant and I would probably say that Sid and Nancy wishes that it could be one fraction as good as this movie. Geoffrey Rush has a small role that is totally powerful. And I actually liked the ending of this one. I also really fucking liked the beginning. And the middle. I loved this movie. It’s really gritty at parts, but it doesn’t pull the punches. And I appreciate that.
Poor Pretty Eddie (DVD via Netflix) – A ’70s exploitation film about a black woman who is something of a singing celebrity and her car breaks down in the middle of cracker central Deliverance-ville where she is abducted by a guy named Eddie who kind of reminds me of the main dude in Jack Ketchum’s The Lost. He’s a young guy who’s really into how hot he looks and he uses the old lady who owns the hotel where he lives and works. It’s a pretty good movie, recommended for fans of exploitation. Though not one of the greatest I guess.
Mister Scarface (DVD via Netflix) – Jack Palance is a bad ass named Mister fucking Scarface. That alone makes it worth watching. Not super great, not super not-great. Worth watching for Palance alone. Even if, like me, you are picturing him as Voltan the whole time.
Code 46 (DVD via Netflix) – Welcome to the future where you can’t fuck anyone even kind of remotely related to you! But Tim Robbins and Samantha Morton do it anyways! It was pretty good I guess.
The Killing Time (DVD via Netflix) – Young Kiefer Sutherland is totally gay for killing people and he is ADORABLE and he kills this guy who was supposed to come to town and be the deputy to the local sheriff in a sweet little beach resort town. But Beau Bridges is the local sheriff and he is fucking Trapper John’s wife and they are plotting to kill Trapper and blame it on Kiefer! Little do they know, though, that Kiefer is the boyfriend of DEATH! The ending is kind of retarded but otherwise it’s a totally awesome movie.
Knightriders (DVD via Netflix) – THIS MOVIE FUCKING RULES. Ok, here’s the sitch, kids: It’s 1980 and Ed Harris is the leader (king) of a group of traveling Renaissance Faire types who put on a show that includes jousting… but on MOTORCYCLES instead of HORSES! But the deal is that Ed Harris doesn’t just do the Ren Faire thing, he wants to really live it. Part of the tag line is ‘Camelot is a state of mind’ and Ed Harris really wants to live in a world of chivalry and honor. And so when the local pigs want a little extra cash on the side to not harass the troupe or when the lawyer from Jurassic Park wants to set them up with a sell-out Vegas show, Ed Harris wants no part of it. But Tom Savini wants to overthrow the crown and sell out the troupe. This movie is so fucking good. It has great characters and wonderful moments that flesh them out. I felt like I should have hated the ending, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I fucking loved this movie. This is like the only movie that George Romero has made that isn’t in the horror genre. This movie is highly recommended to everyone.
It’s Pat: The Movie (DVD via Netflix) – I was 12 years old in 1994. I watched a lot of Pauly Shore movies and SNL adaptation movies. Or I wanted to. Anyway, I watched a lot of “juvenile” comedies and I saw the ad for It’s Pat a LOT. But I only saw the movie this year. As a person who went through quite a period of androgyny and has a great sense of humor about it, I enjoyed this movie a lot. Julia Sweeney is brilliant and creepy as Pat. Pat is a great character (annoying, creepy, weird) without the androgyny angle, but that addition is just awesome. I like annoying things, though, remember. The movie has amusing things like Dave Foley as Pat’s love interest and the neighbor who is super creepy obsessed with Pat. I also fucking LOVED Pat’s super secret computer diary.
Escape From Alcatraz (DVD via Netflix) – Clint Eastwood and two other guys escape from fucking Alcatraz. This is based on the real life incident of what is, possibly, the only successful escape from Alcatraz. There is of course a debate over whether the prisoners drowned in the Bay or if they made it to land and survived (MythBusters apparently proved that three men on a raft made of raincoats could feasibly make it to Angel Island or the Marin Headlands). In any case, this is an awesome movie. I like The Shawshank Redemption a lot and prison shows and movies are a favorite genre of mine and this one does not disappoint. Clint Eastwood gives, as always, a great performance. One of my favorite parts is the guy who wants him to be his bitch and how Clint beats that shit down.
Vice Squad (DVD via Netflix) – Wings Hauser. Is a pimp. Named Ramrod. Who goes batshit crazy and wants to kill this undercover cop lady. WINGS HAUSER. IS A PIMP. NAMED RAMROD.
1990: Bronx Warriors (DVD via Netflix) – Post-apocalyptic movie about how… the Bronx… is like a no-mans-land full of gangs… and this princess type chick from Manhattan runs away there. It’s kind of about the gang members and their conflicts. I thought the bad guy gang member was actually very cute. In a kind of bad ass nerd kind of way.
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (digital projection at the Bridge) – This is the first in Chan Wook Park’s Vengeance trilogy. It follows a boy who is deaf and mute and he lives with his sister who is dying and needs a kidney transplant. He works a soul-crushing job in a factory to get the money for this but is told it’s unlikely he’ll get a donor so he makes a deal to sell his kidney on the black market but the black market people fuck him over and steal his kidney and his money and then he finds out there’s a legit donor but he has no money so his revolutionary girlfriend helps him kidnap a girl from her rich father. Then the story shifts focus onto the deaf/mute and the father of the girl and it gets super fucking gritty. I dug it and was very moved by the father of the girl. Great performance by the actor there.
Oldboy (digital projection at the Bridge) – A dude is abducted on his way home to see his wife and daughter and spends fifteen years locked in a room and then is abruptly released. He spends the rest of the movie trying to figure out why he was imprisoned and why he was released. This movie is good, it seems like it’s going to go one way and then goes a totally different way that I really didn’t see coming at all. I liked the fucked up shit right up toward the end. The ending reminded me a little bit of the ending of Lone Star. Except with some added stuff and a different twist.
Lady Vengeance (digital projection at the Bridge) – Aside from silly angel/redemption thing going on, this was a very good installment — it’s about a girl who spends thirteen years in prison for kidnapping and killing a little boy and when she gets out of jail he finds the man responsible for corrupting her and helps other people also get revenge on him.
Gang Boys (VHS borrowed from Austin) – Wings Hauser and Linda Blair are divorced but their gay son is attacked by Cole Hauser and a bunch of skinheads and so Wings Hauser crawls out of a bottle and into some jogging shorts and they get their shit together, Wings and Linda have some explicit sex, Cole pees on his dad, and they kick some ass. I really enjoyed this movie on a lot of levels.
The Hangover (35mm at the Grand Lake) – There is absolutely NOTHING about this movie that is not ABSOLUTELY fucking kick ass and awesome and wonderful and enjoyable and entertaining. I fucking loved it so fucking much. This is a movie that becomes more and more brilliant as it unfolds. I was somewhat concerned that they wouldn’t be able to pull it off because there was definitely a possibility of it getting stupid at any point, but it totally didn’t. It was fucking amazing. Zach Galifianakis gives one of his greatest performances (and possibly, aside from Tru Calling, his most coherent) with lines that, if just read or even repeated without his PRECISION delivery just lose their power and meaning. But no one can say “Your language is offensive” like him and have it be like the funniest line in the fucking movie. And… Bradley Cooper has never been this fucking hot before. And he is fucking hot.
Drag Me to Hell (35mm at the EmeryBay UA) – A girl from the country is dating Justin Long and wants to be impressive so she’s trying to get a promotion at the bank and so she ends up on the bad side of a crazy gross like gypsy woman who sics a crazy creepy demon on her and she has to try to get rid of the demon who wants to drag her to hell. This is fucking awesome flick — Sam Raimi does horror so fucking well and he’s clearly still capable of doing a great job. The CG goat was reminiscent of the laughing deer head in Evil Dead 2 (which I find totally creepy). Also Drag Me to Hell has LOTS of super gross bodily (and body-esque?) fluids flying through the air and coming into contact with other people in ways that make you just squicked right the fuck out.
Inkheart (DVD that Sally rented) – Brendan Fraser doesn’t read out loud anymore because when he does, the shit he reads comes alive. This is kind of a ridiculous premise for a book or movie but I actually thought it was pulled off very well. The cast was great. I would have really loved this movie as a kid. And as it was, I still really liked it.
Fallen Angel (DVD that I own) – TV movie from like 1983 about Dana Hill as an ignored and angsty child whose father has died and her mother is dating a new man and she’s feeling left out and awkward and this guy starts hitting on her and bringing her into his kiddie porn ring and she goes along with it because she’s so unhappy at home. I felt like it was kind of super sleazy and went pretty far for a TV movie. I recommend it highly. Dana Hill was one of the greatest actresses ever.
Lost Colony a/k/a Wraiths of Roanoke (DVR’d from the SciFi Channel) – Adrian Paul settles the new world and these ringwraiths are after his wife and daughter and like pretty much anyone else who seems innocent or whatever and they have to fight ’em off with a little help from the indigenous peoples. It’s not very good.
Supergator (DVR’d from the SciFi Channel) – There’s this giant gator and it is totally fucking killing people and eating them. This one is pretty good.
Bats: Human Harvest (DVR’d from the SciFi Channel) – There are these bats and they kill people. It’s not very good.
Savage Justice (DVD that I own) – There’s this girl and she’s the daughter of an ambassador and her family gets attacked and she’s kidnapped by the evil revolutionary leader and he makes her his bitch until she joins forces with a bad ass dude to stop him. It’s pretty good.
Punisher: War Zone (iTunes Rental) – Titus Pullo punches a guy RIGHT THROUGH HIS HEAD! Like TWICE! It’s fucking AMAZING! There is some fucking AWESOME action in this movie, I highly recommend it!
Star Trek (35mm at the Grand Lake) – Time travel! Hot Spock! Great movie!
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (35mm at the Grand Lake) – BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER PRETTY MUCH. Lots of explosions and motorcycles and Hugh Jackman naked jumping down a waterfall. This movie fucking RULES. This is the kind of awesome fucking movie that I fucking live for. I loved this movie so fucking much!
Mannequin (Play Instantly on Netflix) – How did I never see this? I wanted to sex up James Spader in this movie SO BAD. This is an essential 80s movie. Fucking loved it.
Married to the Mob (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Michelle Pfiefer regrets having married a Baldwin and joining the mob then he gets offed but Dean Stockwell keeps hitting on her and stalking her even though she’s trying to go legit and make it with the FBI agent dude (who is SUPER awkward and thus SUPER endearing) who is also stalking her. This was pretty good. I liked the ending.
Sukiyaki Western Django (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Some Asian people are kind of like cowboys. It’s pretty boring.
Dead Like Me: Life After Death (Play Instantly on Netflix) – The TV movie that probably shouldn’t have really been made. They should have left Daisy out instead of having her 24 costar sister play her. It felt like a pretty weak extended episode. I wish they had done like two more seasons and gotten into some of the shit they were just hinting at instead of doing this poor sad little movie. But I guess a TV movie is almost better than nothing.
Southern Comfort (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Powers Boothe and Keith Carradine star in this Walter Hill epic of awesomeness. A bunch of National Guardsmen in Louisiana are on a training exercise when Perfect Tommy unloads a round of blanks at some locals and they go super Deliverance on their asses. It’s really good.
Hair (Play Instantly on Netflix) – A musical about hippies being hippies and a yokel dude who kind of joins them. It’s really awesome, I loved all the musical numbers.
The Illusionist (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Edward Norton is an illusionist but Rufus Sewell wants his childhood girlfriend and so Eddie gets all butthurt and shit. Paul Giamatti is running around being super cute too. It’s OK but even when they reveal the twist at the end I was like “Yeah so what, The Prestige had a better twist.”
Deep Rising (Play Instantly on Netflix) – This movie fucking OWNS! It is SO fucking good! It’s kind of like Stephen Sommers’ (same director) The Mummy meets The Poseidon Adventure meets Aliens. It’s full of action, great one-liners, explosions, and fun characters. It’s one of those “who’s gonna make it to the end??” movies where you have SO MUCH FUN watching that it doesn’t really matter who makes it to the end. Five fucking stars. Super fucking YES.
Superfly (Play Instantly on Netflix) – A super fly brother named Priest sells some drugs but wants to sell more and make a lot of money. It was kind of boring.
Eagle vs. Shark (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords is the Napoleon Dynamite of New Zealand and this awkward girl from the local McDonald’s-type place is totally smitten with him and they have an awkwardly endearing courtship. There were moments where it got a bit annoying but really, the bit where Jemaine fights the guy in the wheelchair is like the greatest thing ever.
Rapid Fire (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Brandon Lee sees a dude kill another dude and now everyone, including Power Boothe, wants his ass. It’s pretty good.
The Wisdom of Crocodiles a/k/a Immortality (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Jude Law is an interesting take on a vampire. The movie is moody and dark and a bit slow at parts but overall I really liked it a lot.
Vanishing Point (Play Instantly on Netflix) – My coworker Eli I mean a guy who looks JUST LIKE this guy I work with is driving a Dodge Challenger across the Western US and trying to avoid the pigs and he does a damn good job of it. There’s kind of enough plot to hold together the great chase scenes and stunts and whatnot. I recommend giving it a watch.
Striptease (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Demi Moore has to strip in order to same her daughter from Robert Patrick who gives the greatest fucking performance as her swindling ex-husband. He totally stole the show, in my opinion. The movie is pretty good though it seemed like it wanted to be more of a drama but came off as more of a comedy. I’ve heard some comments comparing it to Showgirls but they are in completely different leagues. You can’t even begin to compare them. Striptease will never be a great movie and Showgirls is one of the greatest fucking movies ever made.
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (Play Instantly on Netflix) – Break dance montage. Break dance fight. A minute or two of plot/dialogue that no one’s listening to because we’re all waiting for… Break dance montage! Break dance fight! Rinse, repeat! Totally fucking sweet! And Turbo? ADORABLE.
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(DVD via Netflix) – I rented this mainly because Simon Baker is fucking adorable. This movie is about a guy who gets an email which is a list of every woman he has every fucked or will ever fuck and so he breaks off his wedding and goes on a rampage of sleeping with all these woman (and at least one guy which was a totally adorable moment) and then finds out that the last woman on his list is a serial killer. It’s a very cute movie and worth a watch if for no other reason than Simon Baker is the very definition of MAN CANDY.
(DVD via Netflix) – I fucking adored this show. It’s probably a good thing that I never saw it back in the day because it was just way too close to home on a lot of things. My favorite character is Brian Krakow. I mentioned here of course that the show is really the story of Brian, in the end. I am really sad that there was no further season. Or at least a half-assed TV movie like for Dead Like Me (keep reading, I review that thing here too). I totally adore this show. It is so good. If you haven’t experienced it, I HIGHLY recommend it.
(DVD via Netflix) – This was one of those shows that was on around the same era as Time Trax and Quantum Leap
. It’s light fluffy fun but the gimmick plays itself out fairly exhaustively within the first two seasons. I’m not really interested in seeing any more of this purposefully. The characters are just kind of entertaining and not really that engaging.
(DVD via Netflix) – This is a campy horror movie with the gimmick of having a lot of homos. And that really does make it good fun. See, there’s a bed and bre…
on tape. So why is it in my tape player? Sorry.
(DVD via Netflix) – Let me tell you why I got this through Netflix. It came up on Netflix under Wings Hauser’s name. And the description starts like this “A mute albino (Brion James)…’ and I’m like I AM FUCKING SOLD. So Brion James, as a mute albino, poisons a small town’s water supply with some shit that turns the residents into kind of fucked up zombie-like psychos. I don’t think they’re actually undead as they don’t appear to die and then come back, so it seems more like 28 Days Later where they ARE NOT FUCKING ZOMBIES but have angry monkey disease. These people seem to turn to green goo inside (kind of like Troll 2
) and just go fucking nuts and want to fuck shit up. But they still can like shoot guns and drive cars so they’re not really that zombie-like. Anyway, Wings Hauser is a rock’n’roll lawyer and he and his wife are stuck, along with Bo Hopkins (who is beyond fucking cool in this movie BTW) in the town and they have to save the fucking day and shit. There are moments that make no sense but are kind of awesome anyway. My favorite is after Wings and his wife have broken down at the edge of town, they are walking back and magically Wings has this huge fuck-off machine gun and a guy in a truck just pulls up and offers them a ride like he doesn’t even notice the enormous fucking gun.
(DVD via Netflix) – Classic John Carpenter that I had never seen. I kind of dug the creepy shit in the fog and I also liked that Tom Atkins was like kind of ugly hot. And Adrienne Barbeau is always awesome.
(DVD via Netflix) – Brendan Fraser is a dude who draws a pervy cartoon character called Monkeybone and he wants to propose to his therapist turned girlfriend but due to a freak auto accident, he is in a coma and stuck in a limbo cartoon land with a physical manifestation of Monkeybone and he tries to steal a pass out of limbo land and Monkeybone steals it from him and hijinks ensue. It’s actually a really good entertaining and touching movie and Chris Kattan has an unexpected and really awesome performance a little over halfway through I think.
(DVD via Netflix) – John Boorman is a director that I really like but I don’t always really like his individual movies (with the noted exception of Excalibur
which I motherfucking love). The Emerald Forest is a very epic movie and one that I found captivating the entire way through. This was a movie that had the opportunity to go a super sappy retarded route but I felt like they kind of kept it well in check. If you like epic flicks like Excalibur or other kind of South American Amazonian epics like The Mosquito Coast
or Fitzcarraldo
, then I recommend this one.
(DVD via Netflix) – This was Clint Eastwood’s directorial debut and it’s a good one. He plays a radio DJ who ends up with this crazy stalker fan and she fucks up his life. It’s not a super complex movie but it’s really well done and I enjoyed it a lot.
(DVD via Netflix) – Farrah Fawcett plays a woman who is abducted, attacked, and the dude almost rapes her but she escapes. But he got her wallet and so she’s scared he’ll come to her home but the police won’t do shit. She ends up at home when he comes to her home. Farrah give a fucking spectacular performance and the movie overall is a good one. But if you’re not into like rape revenge movies then I don’t recommend it.
(DVD via Netflix) – Johnny Depp is a widowed dad and Christopher Walken grabs his daughter and tells him that if he doesn’t kill this like governor or senator or whatever lady that he’ll kill his daughter. The movie is done in real time so it’s like a precursor to 24
. It’s pretty interesting in that way. I loved Christopher Walken’s performance in it and thought the movie was good with the exception of this like daydream sequence that was like the bit in An American Crime
where the girl gets away where you’re like “That is so not really happening” and it just distracts from the real story.
(DVD via Netflix) – I want to sex the fuck out of Michael Caine. SERIOUSLY. Even present-day Michael Caine. The man is so fucking adorable. I liked this movie. Hell, I liked the remake
. But the ending to this movie was unexpected and kind of awesome.
(DVD via Netflix) – As I’ve said to people in the meantime, this show has one of the greatest characters ever — Djac. But it’s just not a very good show. The stakes aren’t high enough. Robin Hood won’t fucking kill the Sheriff and so he’s not interesting, he lacks a good character foundation, he’s weak. They try to fuck with that like in the episode where he gets spitting mad and wants to kill Guy and then near the end when he THINKS Marian is dead and so it makes it OK for him to kill that one time. But really, the most interesting character on the show is Guy of Gisborne who is the fucking bad guy. He’s more interesting because he’s complex. He’s done fucked up shit and he continues to do fucked up shit but he wants redemption. He’s a much better character. I’ve seen pictures from the second and third season and apparently Djac and Will get together in the second season and she girls it up and I have NO interest in seeing that shit. And I guess she’s not even in the third season. So fuck that shit.
(DVD via Netflix) – Lance Henriksen has a totally adorable son and he gets killed in a motorcycle accident so Lance calls down the wrath of the demon Pumpkinhead onto the group of teens responsible. It’s a good one, a solid movie.
(remake) (DVD via Netflix) – This movie should be better than it is. Given that it has a cast that literally makes me shiver whenever I think of all these people in the same movie — Crispin Glover, Jeffrey Combs, Brad Dourif, and the return of Joshua Miller (ADORABLE). But though it has some good moments, ultimately it gets caught crawling up its own asshole.
(DVD via Netflix) – Philip Seymour Hoffman is a theater director and his wife leaves him and takes his daughter away to Europe and he gets a genius grant and starts to work on this super elaborate theater project based on his own life. It gets incredibly complex and the movie also focuses on his relationship with a lot of other women. I really liked this movie, I like Charlie Kaufman’s stuff (Adaptation
and Being John Malkovich
, etc). My hands-down favorite part was Diaene Wiest playing Caden. So though I like the whole movie, probably the last half-hour or so was my favorite.
(DVD via Netflix) – It’s 1999 and a group of fanboy friends gets together to go on a road trip to Lucas ranch to try to steal/see an advance copy of The Phantom Menace
. This was a totally fucking hilariously awesome movie and had unexpectedly touching moments of course. Seth Rogen plays like two or three roles and is fabulous at all of them. There are great cameos throughout and I enjoyed the whole thing. I recommend this movie to EVERYONE.
(DVD via Netflix) – Charles Bronson is an architect in New York. His wife and daughter are attacked and raped while he’s not at home. His wife dies and his daughter ends up catatonic. Bronson is really upset because the police can’t do anything. He starts going vigilante and attacking wrongdoers on his own. It’s not the best vigilante movie I’ve seen (hell, after seeing Vigilante
it would be hard for this movie to live up to that one) but it’s a good one still.
(DVD via Netflix) – Patrick Swayze is a widowed father whose kids are in a state-run home and his daughter breaks out and runs to him to ask him to get her brother out because the kids are mistreated in the home. Swayze has a con job planned in New Orleans though so he’s kind of pissed but does it just to get her to leave him alone. He ends up running from the law cross country with both his kids, bonding with them. It’s a very cute movie and I enjoyed it. Swayze is very swayze.
(DVD via Netflix) – There’s a mean camp counselor at a camp and some of the kids decide to play a prank on him but it goes badly and he ends up getting badly burned. Years later he escapes the hospital or whatever and starts killing off kids at camp. It has some sweet deaths and is a good slasher a la Sleepaway Camp
(though SC is better).
(DVD via Netflix) – I love Henry. I could watch him or listen to him do anything and I would be happy.
(DVD via Netflix) – THIS MOVIE FUCKING RULES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY!! FUCK!!! SOOOOOO GREAT! I fucking love Paul Rudd and he does a great job in this one, being the “straight man” but still just being fucking funny as SHIT anyway. This is about two guys who work for a Red Bull-esque energy drink company and they fuck up so they get community service and they end up working for Jane Lynch (I love her) as mentors for these two kids. And it’s a great premise and brilliant execution. The resolution toward the end building to the climax was fucking awesome. It’s the kind of movie that you see and you’re like “I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHIT IT IS AMAZING”.
(DVD via Netflix) – Jason Segel is a lazy musician/composer who is dating the hot star of a CSI-type show but she dumps him and so he goes to Hawaii to forget her only to find her staying at the same hotel with her new boyfriend. It’s a good movie with a lot of funny moments and it’s very moving at moments. I really liked the Dracula musical with puppets.
(DVD via Netflix) – I love the first Underworld
. I mostly didn’t really like the second one
because Michael Sheen wasn’t in it. I loved that this was like his movie. His and Bill Nighy’s movie really. It’s a prequel to the first Underworld and tells the story of Lucian, the first awesome Lycan, and his love for Viktor’s daughter who is a vampire. This is a totally awesome action movie. And Michael Sheen is one of the greatest actors of our time.
(DVD via Netflix) – The story of two brothers who grow up in the slums of India and one becomes obsessed with a girl and the other ends up fucking him over but the obsessed one ends up on the Millionaire show trying to get the girl. I really liked the Bollywood number at the end, otherwise it was pretty good. I didn’t think it was like the greatest movie ever though if I had seen it before the Oscars I would have pegged it for the winner cuz it is that kind of movie.
(DVD via Netflix) – RuPaul is Special Agent Starrbooty, she has to go undercover as a hooker in order to get close to this bad lady who has kidnapped Starrbooty’s niece. This is the kind of movie that makes me happy to be alive, it’s totally fucking awesome.
(DVD via Netflix) – A good but not spectacular 80s teen flick. Some kids are looking through a junkyard for parts for a science project and find some extraterrestrial shit that kills their car battery or whatever. Dennis Hopper apparently uses it to travel through time and space or something. Zapped! was better.
(DVD via Netflix) – I gave this 5 stars on Netflix because it was totally fun, entertaining, and great. I haven’t read the books but didn’t feel like I was missing anything really. I could read the books I guess, but I just really enjoyed the movie. It’s about a fantasy land where there used to be dragon riding warriors but they all got killed off (the dragons anyway) but evil kind John Malkovich but a dragon egg hatches and the dragon bonds with a farm boy named Eragon and Jeremy Irons has to teach him to be a great dragon riding warrior and defeat the evil Robert Carlylse as a kind of zombie wizard. It’s totally sweet.
(DVD via Netflix) – YES!!! TWILIGHT!!!! This was great. This movie is made of teen angst and has some of the most fun dialogue ever. My favorite exchange:
(DVD via Netflix) – A busload of kids from the hospital for criminally insane children descend onto a cabin in the mountains full of unsuspecting adults. I like creepy kids in movies and this is a good one with lots of creepy kids killing people. I think the best part, though, is that Leif Garrett appears to be wearing a wig about half the time.
(DVD via Netflix) – Lots of teams of drivers are trying to drive across the country first to win the prize. It’s got a kind of feeling like Midnight Madness
except that you don’t actually know who is going to win. It’s full of great moments and scenes and characters. I recommend it.
(DVD via Netflix) – Anthony Hopkins tells this couple that their daughter is the reincarnation of his daughter, Audrey Rose, who died in a car crash and fire the day that their daughter was born. It is clearly jumping a bit onto the ’70s bandwagon of movies like The Exorcist
or The Omen
with the ‘your child may not really be your child’ kind of theme, but it’s a good movie still, if not as good as The Exorcist or The Omen really.
(DVD via Netflix) – Hundra is a warrior from a female tribe that is attacked and she is one of the only survivors. She’s instructed by the old matriarch of the tribe to go forth and reproduce and have girl babies so that she can repopulate their tribe. In the process she learns to clean up and be a bit more feminine and she kind of falls in love with this doctor dude. She ends up kicking the ass of the local lords and temple dudes. It’s a good kind of Conan
/Barbarian Queen
-style flick and I liked it quite a bit.
(DVD via Netflix) – A white boy from the streets gets community service at a dance academy and ends up dancing and falling in love with one of the girls there and they change each other’s worlds. It is pretty decent. I’m looking forward to seeing the next Step Up movies.
(DVD via Netflix) – A biopic about the lady who wrote The Yearling
that I mostly got because Dana Hill is in it. She and Rip Torn give the best performances as a father and daughter who love each other but have fights about her pet deer. It is totally heart breaking. And it’s a good movie besides.
(DVD via Netflix) – Matthew McConaughey is an average size person from a family of small people, including his twin brother Gary Oldman. MM is concerned because his girlfriend, Kate Beckinsale, is knocked up and he’s afraid she’ll have a dwarf baby, and he has a huge problem with this. She, however, doesn’t just come to terms with it, she might be falling for his brother. BUM BA DUM! This movie doesn’t really have a climax or denouement I think, it’s a slow and kind of quiet movie (I mean, with some notable exceptions) but it’s really very good. It’s also directed by Matthew Bright from Forbidden Zone
which is cool.
(DVD via Netflix) – The “Citizen Kane
of alcoholic clown movies” — so true, so true. This is like an alternate reality where lots of people are clowns and hang out at clown bars and stuff, but there are also people who are mimes and stuff too and mimes hate clowns. Anyway, Shakes is alcoholic and he has to get his shit together. I liked this movie.
(DVD via Netflix) – BORING ASS MOVIE. In the post-apocalyptic future there’s hardly any food or firewood or anything to fucking do so people play some game where they might get killed or whatever and Paul Newman ends up mixed up in it and it’s really boring.
(DVD via Netflix) – This girl has been putting herself through a fancy private junior high school by being a hooker on Hollywood Boulevard since she was 12. The best part is probably Susan Tyrrell. It’s not actually very sleazy or anything. It’s pretty fucking PG for the subject matter.
(DVD via Netflix) – I really liked Zapped! It’s about Scott Baio accidentally getting telekinetic powers from a science experiment gone awry which feels like a typical 80s teen comedy premise but this one is pretty awesome.
(DVD via Netflix) – Heath Ledger and this girl are in a codependent relationship in which they are hooked on heroin and on each other. The movie follows the story of their love and what they do to keep themselves in smack and their attempts to kick the addiction. It’s an Australian movie and Heath Ledger uses what I can only assume is his real accent. He is, as always, fucking brilliant and I would probably say that Sid and Nancy
wishes that it could be one fraction as good as this movie. Geoffrey Rush has a small role that is totally powerful. And I actually liked the ending of this one. I also really fucking liked the beginning. And the middle. I loved this movie. It’s really gritty at parts, but it doesn’t pull the punches. And I appreciate that.
(DVD via Netflix) – A ’70s exploitation film about a black woman who is something of a singing celebrity and her car breaks down in the middle of cracker central Deliverance
-ville where she is abducted by a guy named Eddie who kind of reminds me of the main dude in Jack Ketchum’s The Lost
. He’s a young guy who’s really into how hot he looks and he uses the old lady who owns the hotel where he lives and works. It’s a pretty good movie, recommended for fans of exploitation. Though not one of the greatest I guess.
(DVD via Netflix) – Jack Palance is a bad ass named Mister fucking Scarface. That alone makes it worth watching. Not super great, not super not-great. Worth watching for Palance alone. Even if, like me, you are picturing him as Voltan the whole time.
(DVD via Netflix) – Welcome to the future where you can’t fuck anyone even kind of remotely related to you! But Tim Robbins and Samantha Morton do it anyways! It was pretty good I guess.
(DVD via Netflix) – Young Kiefer Sutherland is totally gay for killing people and he is ADORABLE and he kills this guy who was supposed to come to town and be the deputy to the local sheriff in a sweet little beach resort town. But Beau Bridges is the local sheriff and he is fucking Trapper John’s wife and they are plotting to kill Trapper and blame it on Kiefer! Little do they know, though, that Kiefer is the boyfriend of DEATH! The ending is kind of retarded but otherwise it’s a totally awesome movie.
(DVD via Netflix) – THIS MOVIE FUCKING RULES. Ok, here’s the sitch, kids: It’s 1980 and Ed Harris is the leader (king) of a group of traveling Renaissance Faire types who put on a show that includes jousting… but on MOTORCYCLES instead of HORSES! But the deal is that Ed Harris doesn’t just do the Ren Faire thing, he wants to really live it. Part of the tag line is ‘Camelot is a state of mind’ and Ed Harris really wants to live in a world of chivalry and honor. And so when the local pigs want a little extra cash on the side to not harass the troupe or when the lawyer from Jurassic Park wants to set them up with a sell-out Vegas show, Ed Harris wants no part of it. But Tom Savini wants to overthrow the crown and sell out the troupe. This movie is so fucking good. It has great characters and wonderful moments that flesh them out. I felt like I should have hated the ending, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I fucking loved this movie. This is like the only movie that George Romero has made that isn’t in the horror genre. This movie is highly recommended to everyone.
(DVD via Netflix) – I was 12 years old in 1994. I watched a lot of Pauly Shore movies and SNL adaptation movies. Or I wanted to. Anyway, I watched a lot of “juvenile” comedies and I saw the ad for It’s Pat a LOT. But I only saw the movie this year. As a person who went through quite a period of androgyny and has a great sense of humor about it, I enjoyed this movie a lot. Julia Sweeney is brilliant and creepy as Pat. Pat is a great character (annoying, creepy, weird) without the androgyny angle, but that addition is just awesome. I like annoying things, though, remember. The movie has amusing things like Dave Foley as Pat’s love interest and the neighbor who is super creepy obsessed with Pat. I also fucking LOVED Pat’s super secret computer diary.
(DVD via Netflix) – Clint Eastwood and two other guys escape from fucking Alcatraz. This is based on the real life incident of what is, possibly, the only successful escape from Alcatraz. There is of course a debate over whether the prisoners drowned in the Bay or if they made it to land and survived (MythBusters apparently proved that three men on a raft made of raincoats could feasibly make it to Angel Island or the Marin Headlands). In any case, this is an awesome movie. I like The Shawshank Redemption
a lot and prison shows and movies are a favorite genre of mine and this one does not disappoint. Clint Eastwood gives, as always, a great performance. One of my favorite parts is the guy who wants him to be his bitch and how Clint beats that shit down.
(DVD via Netflix) – Wings Hauser. Is a pimp. Named Ramrod. Who goes batshit crazy and wants to kill this undercover cop lady. WINGS HAUSER. IS A PIMP. NAMED RAMROD.
(DVD via Netflix) – Post-apocalyptic movie about how… the Bronx… is like a no-mans-land full of gangs… and this princess type chick from Manhattan runs away there. It’s kind of about the gang members and their conflicts. I thought the bad guy gang member was actually very cute. In a kind of bad ass nerd kind of way.
(digital projection at the Bridge) – This is the first in Chan Wook Park’s Vengeance trilogy. It follows a boy who is deaf and mute and he lives with his sister who is dying and needs a kidney transplant. He works a soul-crushing job in a factory to get the money for this but is told it’s unlikely he’ll get a donor so he makes a deal to sell his kidney on the black market but the black market people fuck him over and steal his kidney and his money and then he finds out there’s a legit donor but he has no money so his revolutionary girlfriend helps him kidnap a girl from her rich father. Then the story shifts focus onto the deaf/mute and the father of the girl and it gets super fucking gritty. I dug it and was very moved by the father of the girl. Great performance by the actor there.
(digital projection at the Bridge) – A dude is abducted on his way home to see his wife and daughter and spends fifteen years locked in a room and then is abruptly released. He spends the rest of the movie trying to figure out why he was imprisoned and why he was released. This movie is good, it seems like it’s going to go one way and then goes a totally different way that I really didn’t see coming at all. I liked the fucked up shit right up toward the end. The ending reminded me a little bit of the ending of Lone Star
. Except with some added stuff and a different twist.
(digital projection at the Bridge) – Aside from silly angel/redemption thing going on, this was a very good installment — it’s about a girl who spends thirteen years in prison for kidnapping and killing a little boy and when she gets out of jail he finds the man responsible for corrupting her and helps other people also get revenge on him.
(VHS borrowed from Austin) – Wings Hauser and Linda Blair are divorced but their gay son is attacked by Cole Hauser and a bunch of skinheads and so Wings Hauser crawls out of a bottle and into some jogging shorts and they get their shit together, Wings and Linda have some explicit sex, Cole pees on his dad, and they kick some ass. I really enjoyed this movie on a lot of levels.
(35mm at the Grand Lake) – There is absolutely NOTHING about this movie that is not ABSOLUTELY fucking kick ass and awesome and wonderful and enjoyable and entertaining. I fucking loved it so fucking much. This is a movie that becomes more and more brilliant as it unfolds. I was somewhat concerned that they wouldn’t be able to pull it off because there was definitely a possibility of it getting stupid at any point, but it totally didn’t. It was fucking amazing. Zach Galifianakis gives one of his greatest performances (and possibly, aside from Tru Calling
, his most coherent) with lines that, if just read or even repeated without his PRECISION delivery just lose their power and meaning. But no one can say “Your language is offensive” like him and have it be like the funniest line in the fucking movie. And… Bradley Cooper has never been this fucking hot before. And he is fucking hot.
(35mm at the EmeryBay UA) – A girl from the country is dating Justin Long and wants to be impressive so she’s trying to get a promotion at the bank and so she ends up on the bad side of a crazy gross like gypsy woman who sics a crazy creepy demon on her and she has to try to get rid of the demon who wants to drag her to hell. This is fucking awesome flick — Sam Raimi does horror so fucking well and he’s clearly still capable of doing a great job. The CG goat was reminiscent of the laughing deer head in Evil Dead 2
(which I find totally creepy). Also Drag Me to Hell has LOTS of super gross bodily (and body-esque?) fluids flying through the air and coming into contact with other people in ways that make you just squicked right the fuck out.
(DVD that Sally rented) – Brendan Fraser doesn’t read out loud anymore because when he does, the shit he reads comes alive. This is kind of a ridiculous premise for a book or movie but I actually thought it was pulled off very well. The cast was great. I would have really loved this movie as a kid. And as it was, I still really liked it.
(DVD that I own) – TV movie from like 1983 about Dana Hill as an ignored and angsty child whose father has died and her mother is dating a new man and she’s feeling left out and awkward and this guy starts hitting on her and bringing her into his kiddie porn ring and she goes along with it because she’s so unhappy at home. I felt like it was kind of super sleazy and went pretty far for a TV movie. I recommend it highly. Dana Hill was one of the greatest actresses ever.
(DVR’d from the SciFi Channel) – Adrian Paul settles the new world and these ringwraiths are after his wife and daughter and like pretty much anyone else who seems innocent or whatever and they have to fight ’em off with a little help from the indigenous peoples. It’s not very good.
(DVR’d from the SciFi Channel) – There are these bats and they kill people. It’s not very good.
(DVD that I own) – There’s this girl and she’s the daughter of an ambassador and her family gets attacked and she’s kidnapped by the evil revolutionary leader and he makes her his bitch until she joins forces with a bad ass dude to stop him. It’s pretty good.
(iTunes Rental) – Titus Pullo punches a guy RIGHT THROUGH HIS HEAD! Like TWICE! It’s fucking AMAZING! There is some fucking AWESOME action in this movie, I highly recommend it!
(35mm at the Grand Lake) – BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER PRETTY MUCH. Lots of explosions and motorcycles and Hugh Jackman naked jumping down a waterfall. This movie fucking RULES. This is the kind of awesome fucking movie that I fucking live for. I loved this movie so fucking much!
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – How did I never see this? I wanted to sex up James Spader in this movie SO BAD. This is an essential 80s movie. Fucking loved it.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Michelle Pfiefer regrets having married a Baldwin and joining the mob then he gets offed but Dean Stockwell keeps hitting on her and stalking her even though she’s trying to go legit and make it with the FBI agent dude (who is SUPER awkward and thus SUPER endearing) who is also stalking her. This was pretty good. I liked the ending.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Some Asian people are kind of like cowboys. It’s pretty boring.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – The TV movie that probably shouldn’t have really been made. They should have left Daisy out instead of having her 24 costar sister play her. It felt like a pretty weak extended episode. I wish they had done like two more seasons and gotten into some of the shit they were just hinting at instead of doing this poor sad little movie. But I guess a TV movie is almost better than nothing.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Powers Boothe and Keith Carradine star in this Walter Hill epic of awesomeness. A bunch of National Guardsmen in Louisiana are on a training exercise when Perfect Tommy unloads a round of blanks at some locals and they go super Deliverance on their asses. It’s really good.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – A musical about hippies being hippies and a yokel dude who kind of joins them. It’s really awesome, I loved all the musical numbers.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Edward Norton is an illusionist but Rufus Sewell wants his childhood girlfriend and so Eddie gets all butthurt and shit. Paul Giamatti is running around being super cute too. It’s OK but even when they reveal the twist at the end I was like “Yeah so what, The Prestige
had a better twist.”
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – This movie fucking OWNS! It is SO fucking good! It’s kind of like Stephen Sommers’ (same director) The Mummy
meets The Poseidon Adventure
meets Aliens
. It’s full of action, great one-liners, explosions, and fun characters. It’s one of those “who’s gonna make it to the end??” movies where you have SO MUCH FUN watching that it doesn’t really matter who makes it to the end. Five fucking stars. Super fucking YES.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – A super fly brother named Priest sells some drugs but wants to sell more and make a lot of money. It was kind of boring.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords
is the Napoleon Dynamite
of New Zealand and this awkward girl from the local McDonald’s-type place is totally smitten with him and they have an awkwardly endearing courtship. There were moments where it got a bit annoying but really, the bit where Jemaine fights the guy in the wheelchair is like the greatest thing ever.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Brandon Lee sees a dude kill another dude and now everyone, including Power Boothe, wants his ass. It’s pretty good.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Jude Law is an interesting take on a vampire. The movie is moody and dark and a bit slow at parts but overall I really liked it a lot.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – My coworker Eli I mean a guy who looks JUST LIKE this guy I work with is driving a Dodge Challenger across the Western US and trying to avoid the pigs and he does a damn good job of it. There’s kind of enough plot to hold together the great chase scenes and stunts and whatnot. I recommend giving it a watch.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Demi Moore has to strip in order to same her daughter from Robert Patrick who gives the greatest fucking performance as her swindling ex-husband. He totally stole the show, in my opinion. The movie is pretty good though it seemed like it wanted to be more of a drama but came off as more of a comedy. I’ve heard some comments comparing it to Showgirls
but they are in completely different leagues. You can’t even begin to compare them. Striptease will never be a great movie and Showgirls is one of the greatest fucking movies ever made.
(Play Instantly on Netflix) – Break dance montage. Break dance fight. A minute or two of plot/dialogue that no one’s listening to because we’re all waiting for… Break dance montage! Break dance fight! Rinse, repeat! Totally fucking sweet! And Turbo? ADORABLE.
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