A Note on Fluffsplosion

Fluffies Playing Poker by Janet Brusselbach
Fluffies Playing Poker by Janet Brusselbach

I realized that the previous Fluffy Pony report involved a phenomenon known colloquially as “fluffsplosion” that not everyone may be aware of.  I will attempt to clear up any confusion or misconceptions in this brief appendix.

Early breeds of fluffy pony were known to solely reproduce by the process known officially as langioequuruption, where the fluffy dam would swell to bursting, leaving a small litter of foals behind to be taken care of by adult human caretakers in a controlled breeding environment.  As fluffies were released to the wild, this behavior was more or less bred out of them, and most modern fluffies give birth in the usual way, which is to say vaginally.  It is believed that the stage of fluffy pregnancy where a dam becomes almost completely round and must be rolled around by fluffies assigned to her by the herd’s Smarty Friend known as “attendants”, is a remnant of this now dormant behavior.

In modern fluffies, however, fluffsplosion is rare but not completely eradicated.  Fluffsplosion may occur when a dam is terrified, known amongst the fluffies as a “scaredy fit”.  When a dam suffers a scaredy fit, she begins to swell — which makes her even more frightened as she doesn’t know what’s happening to her body and why she’s beginning to hurt — until bursting.  In a scaredy fit, amniotic fluid typically covers the area and foals may be thrown from the area depending on the force of the explosion.  Most foals birthed through a scaredy fit do not survive regardless of whether or not they have been thrown.  Scaredy-fit foals are typically premature and may not be viable.  They may also be thought of as “runts” and thus rejected, or perhaps there is no other fluffy pony ready to be able to provide milk.    Most dams who suffer scaredy fits are already swollen to the point of needing attendants, though not always.

There have also been reports of fluffies being so enraged they go into an “angry fit”, and thus bring fluffsplosion on themselves.  In contrast, most scaredy fits are brought on by an outside stimulus.  A dam typically cannot scare herself so badly to trigger a scaredy fit; she typically needs to be not only startled or scared by something, but the stimulus needs to remain in the fluffy pony’s attention for some time, due to the fluffy’s extremely low attention span, which is protective in this case.  Some examples include a particularly bad and long-lasting thunderstorm, the prolonged sight of wounded or dead fluffy ponies,  or a human or animal threatening them.  If a dam is able to escape the sights, however — by an owner or her attendants coming to the rescue, for example — she will typically forget about whatever has made her upset and is in little to no danger.

Once a scaredy fit has started, however, it is extremely difficult to impossible to reverse the swelling.  Fluffy pony enthusiasts have shared home remedies to stop the scaredy fits, but it is unknown at this time as to whether or not any of these methods actually work or are merely rumors.  One method must be debunked here — a fluffy dam swelling due to a scaredy fit cannot be pierced to drain the amniotic fluid.  The pain of being pricked will upset her even further, and not only cause an increase in the speed of swelling but will reduce her already weak structural integrity to make the explosion more violent and happen much more quickly.

The best way to stop fluffsplosion among domestic fluffies is to prevent it from starting in the first place.  If your fluffy is pregnant, it is best to keep things as calm as possible.  Keep her in her safe room during pregnancy, and you’re likely to have a happy fluffy family rather than a messy tragedy.

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